Look at this stupid ad:
Spring-training drills: Let’s argue about the DH
I have strong opinions about the designated hitter. Let’s argue.
Mike Ehrmann
That’s a Miller Lite ad that appeared in the latest issue of ESPN the Magazine, and it’s stupid. Let’s fix it.
Better.
The ‘70s were the worst decade in baseball history. Look at the average attendance in 1975. It would have taken five crowds like this to surpass the entire season attendance of the 1975 Giants. Ballparks looked like this:
And you want to bring up the general malaise of the ‘70s as a way to support the DH? Do you know what the ‘70s were like? People drank Miller Lite on purpose, that’s what it was like. This whole thing makes me so angry, this silly ad, this stupid argument, the DH, it’s all so …
/kicks over chair
Must Reads
Phew. How did I do? I’m nowhere near where I need to be with my hot takes to start the season, so I’m working hard to get back in shape.
Let’s do some running drills, then. Let’s go through the arguments for the DH, and hopefully this will lead to debating in the comments, which will lead to people changing their mind about the DH. Then for the rest of the year, we won’t have to argue about it. Unless we want to.
They say the columnists are ahead of the commenters at this time of year, you know.
Argument #1: Nobody wants to watch pitchers hit
Counter-argument:
@matthewcerrone posted this photo of Bartolo Colon on @metsblog, a lesson in how NOT to swing. Check the legs ... pic.twitter.com/wiC6t9e4eF
— John Strubel (@johnstrubel) February 21, 2014 Argument #2: Strategy is overrated. All managers mindlessly tell their pitchers to bunt, and it’s boring
Counter-argument:
Argument #3: College and most levels of the minor leagues use the DH. How about some consistency?
Counter-argument:
Argument #4: Talented hitters like Jim Thome and David Ortiz can extend their careers
Counter-argument:
Right now, if you’re a soulless, horrible person who likes the DH, most likely because you had the audacity to grow up in the general vicinity of an American League ballpark, you’re making inappropriate hand gestures. You are not convinced by these counter-arguments. They boil down to the same thing: Every 5,383 times, something interesting happens! Just wait for it.
Okay, so that’s not going to convince a non-believer. But I’m not really interested in revisiting arguments and taking them down point-by-point. It’s been done, and it’s been done again, and when you’re on the the elevator going up or down in the afterlife, there’s going to be some boring soul ready to do it one last time. Don’t be that person.
The stupid Miller Lite ad sent me down a rabbit hole, though, and on the other side was that glorious Randy Johnson homer. I knew video had to exist, but I was sure that MLB wasn’t going to get around to uploading it until 2054. Yet there it is. It’s beautiful. And the complete opposite of beautiful.
It’s also part of my main argument against the DH, which is one I don’t recall reading a lot. I like having one lineup position that’s the green on the roulette table, the thing that isn’t supposed to happen but does juuuuust often enough to keep you alert. I love living in a world where Barry Zito can get an RBI single against Justin Verlander. I don’t need two mostly hopeless spots out of nine -- just one. Pitchers are scouts, and sacrifice bunts are the ability to move multiple squares. Every once in a while, though, that scout takes out an unguarded spy. I live for that.
It’s February, and I’m ready to see some pitchers hit.
Who’s with me?
/kicks over chair
It’s almost spring, and we need to tidy up our argument muscles. We’ve been sitting in the snow, thinking about other things, and we need to get in game shape.
Mostly, though, look at that stupid ad.
See More:
