Why Jeff Gordon Will Win The 2012 Daytona 500

The following post is a complete guess and has no bearing on the Daytona 500 whatsoever, so don’t blame me if A) Any of this comes true or B) None of this come true. Thank you.

Three-time Daytona 500 winner Jeff Gordon will drive to Victory Lane again on Sunday, giving him four victories in the “Great American Race” and matching his number of NASCAR Sprint Cup Series championships.

Gordon (who won the 500 in 1997, 1999 and 2005) will set himself up for another Daytona win by drafting with new Hendrick Motorsports teammate Kasey Kahne late in the race.

After surviving three “Big Ones” that will eliminate nearly half the field on Sunday, Gordon will find himself in fifth place on a green-white-checkered restart.

Since drivers won’t have done as much two-car drafting as last year, many of the traditional pairs will be split up. But Kahne, who has already wrecked two cars this week, will have avoided trouble this time and will restart in seventh place – right behind Gordon.

Because Kahne is in his first race for Hendrick Motorsports, he’ll be overwhelmed with a desire to be a good teammate to Gordon do whatever it takes to make team owner Rick Hendrick proud (Hendrick is apparently able to cast the “Make me proud” spell over every employee he’s ever had, except for Kyle Busch).

The Kahne-Gordon tandem will pick its way through the disorganized top five and zoom out ahead of the field, 50 yards clear of any other tandem coming to the white flag. Then, coming off Turn 4, Kahne will realize he can actually make a safe move to win the Daytona 500 himself.

But instead, just as he’s ready to make a Busch-like pass at the finish, Kahne’s engine will blow from having lost all its water pushing Gordon for two laps.

Gordon will then sail to the finish line by himself, Kahne will coast home in second place and the tandem of Tony Stewart and Danica Patrick will finish third and fourth, respectively.

After the race, I will find a winning Powerball ticket on the sidewalk and discover I’ve won $350 million, then give $1,000 to every person who is reading this post.

So congratulations to me, you and Jeff Gordon.