Earlier this month, we spun Bill Simmons’ famous title of “Picasso of the Trade Machine” into an investigation of what NBA trades actual artists would come up with on the old Trade Machine. As Gilbert Arenas trade rumors light up the Internet, it’s worth revisiting the Artists of the Trade Machine to see what they think of the hubbub.
Gilbert Arenas Trade Rumors: Francisco Goya’s Take
Today: Francisco Goya, Spanish romantic painter of Saturn Devouring His Son and other uplifting works, provides his suggestion for the Magic, Wizards and Suns.
Goya suggests:
Goya explains:
The Miami Heat believe themselves to be royalty. One has even dubbed himself "King." I knew kings, and that is not as aspiration one ought to make. Kings are sinful and self-absorbed. To call yourself "King" is to call yourself cruel and callous, like the world itself and nature and everything about it. To name yourself a ruler is to laugh in the face of those who suffer. To mimic royalty is to mimic life, and to mimic life is to mock those who cannot buy comfort or a decent existence on Earth. The Miami Heat spit in the face of Mankind by pretending to be above the dark world we all inhabit.
To combat this, the Orlando Magic simply must reveal truth: that the Earth is a cold, dark place, and that for every triumph there are three Hell-born pains to be felt. When I had finally reached the pinnacle, painting in the court of Charles IV, I was then stricken by severe illness, and later deafness. This Earth found a smile and crushed it with one cruel blow, sending my mind and life into its own Abyss.
Such is the story of Gilbert Arenas. Flying high, leading the Washington Wizards into playoff battles and making, as they say, "tons of loot." What happened? Did the Earth, in all its bounty, reward Senor Arenas with further success? No. It crushed him, first with devastating damage to his body, then with a violent curse upon his spirit. "Pick 1," said the world. "But take both."
We the cursed can show the clown-fraud royalty what Life is really like, and what undignified existence waits for all of Man. Without exception, the Mighty fall. The new Magic, replete with broken spirits, would provide a stark reminder to the Heat and others soaring through the sky of how far the fall to Earth will be when in inevitably happens.
Also, Marcin Gortat is a huge defensive upgrade for Phoenix, and Jason Richardson has swag galore and will be a wonderful example for Nick Young.
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