2011 NBA Mock Draft: Feed Kyrie Irving To The Wolves

The draft is growing near.
Oh no! Our board’s not clear!
Kyrie on top?
Will Jimmer drop?
Fret not: mock haiku’s here.

(Prose explainer, forgive us: As the NBA Draft Lottery has not yet occurred, we cannot provide the actual draft order. For this exercise, we took a deck of cards [the jumbo type], wrote each team’s television play-by-play announcer name on a card, shuffled twice, visited a psychic, threw the deck into the Colorado River, bowed to 47 degrees NNE and clicked on the Lottery Simulator. These are the results in haiku form.)

It’s more like Ky-wheeeeee!
when Wolves land Kyrie Irving
and Flynn joins Ricky.

The Cavs need towers.
Perry Jones? Well, he’s quite tall.
That’s at least a start.

Harrison Barnes has
a big birthday cake to fill.
But can he toss chalk?

Jimmy Wall needs help.
JaVale tries, but comes up short.
Enter D-Will II.

Few make Stern bite tongue.
Jonas Valanciunas,
you can fill the task.

“Fun with Reke and Cuz!”
reads the, err, Royal invite.
Why so sad, Kemba?

Too paid for Coach Cal?
That’s a new one. Time for
N-B-A riches.

Pistons need some help
for Monroe up front. Can Jones
be a pro monster?

Ka-why? Because Bucks
can’t score; Leonard fits Skiles’
grinding way to tee.

Jordan takes a Heel.
Beyond blue blood, Hen pushes
Kwame, Boris out.

Donatas is big,
though more of a Nellie guy
than new bosses like.

Yep, it’s destiny:
The Jimmer in S-L-C!
The ads shoot themselves.