When Nike finally told the world what’s in Kevin Durant’s backpack this week, it got us thinking: What’s in all the other NBA backpacks? With the help of Spencer Hall, Tom Ziller, Jon Bois, and Bill Hanstock, we took a look around the league and made some educated guesses.
The List: What’s in your favorite NBA player’s backpack?
Where Amazing happens in every player’s backpack.
Nike/YouTube
Every NBA player: pair of $300 Beats By Dre headphones, backup pair of $300 Beats by Dre headphones
Zach Randolph: copy of The Cloud Atlas, gun.
Ray Allen: slam poetry, hate mail from Bill Simmons, V for Vendetta mask, Bisquick
Grant Hill: Jock Jamz on MiniDisc, Christmas sweaters
Nikola Pekovic: the Saw collection on Blu-ray, the Anarchist Cookbook, a Slipknot mask
Russell Westbrook: firecrackers, five pairs of hornrims, marching band
Jason Kidd: Centrum Silver, Geritol, Ben Gay, hemorrhoid donut
Andrew Bynum: afro pick, Blacula costume, treasure map, assortment of fake mustaches
Earl Boykins: can of spinach, tobacco pipe, resentment
J.J. Redick: a bottle of Ether, a rag, an iPod filled with the Beastie Boys early catalog, Axe body spray.
Jimmer Fredette: carton of milk, unsalted saltines, Rosemary Clooney CD
Chris Andersen: [REDACTED]
Dwight Howard: just a bag of farts
J.R. Smith: rap video model
Nick Young: $15,000 in singles, six pairs Gucci sunglasses
Chris Kaman: dead animals
Mike Brown: sadness
Charles Barkley: thin layer of Weight Watcher’s frozen meals on top, five orders of Doritos Locos tacos nachos beneath
Metta World Peace: Rich Dad, Poor Dad, Lifetime movie scripts, Master P sneakers
Andrew Bogut: bottle of Vitaminwater, live platypus
John Wall: vodka and Ambien
Joakim Noah: a $2.3 million Basquiat jammed into it like a cheap roadmap
Darko Milicic: eight neatly organized cartons of Marlboro Reds, gun
Vince Carter: occasionally his face when he muffles his anguished screams
Andray Blatche: A copy of Breaks of the Game, hollowed out to hide weed
Andre Miller: 10 year-old hair clippers (unused)
DeMarcus Cousins: three passports in different names, assortment of standby one-way plane tickets, cyanide capsule, brass knuckles
Spencer Hawes: recently-purchased gold coins, unopened copy of Atlas Shrugged, one-way ticket to Canada
Paul Allen: a nuclear submarine
Eddy Curry: family-size Stouffers macaroni and cheese, gallon of Ben & Jerry’s Super Fudge Chunk
Dirk Nowitzki: that German shooting coach you always hear about
Hedo Turkoglu: three large pizzas
Chris Bosh: massive bag of weed, “cat in the hat” hat
Amare Stoudemire: truss, back brace, ace bandages, splint, sling, neck halo, and $4,000 sunglasses
Gerald Wallace: a furious Mountain Lion
Mario Chalmers: 50 signed photos of himself
Stephen Jackson: nuclear launch codes (updated thrice daily), crawfish, pistol
Kevin Garnett: a set of knives, bloody clothing, and a blowtorch
Kobe Bryant: a set of knives, bloody clothing, and steroids
Shaq: a whoopee cushion and 5 paternity suits
Rasheed Wallace: Infinite Jest, half-empty pack of black and milds, directions to Tim Donaghy’s home.
LeBron James: Illuminati manuscripts, 50 signed photos of himself
DON’T YOU LOVE THIS GAME?
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