MAACO Las Vegas Bowl, Boise State Vs. Utah Rootability Index: Is That Bill Simmons?

Unsure which team to root for in Wednesday night’s MAACO Las Vegas Bowl? Allow us to help you decide between Utah and Boise State.

KYLE BROTZMAN IS SO POWERFUL HIS KICKING CAN BOOT A TEAM ACROSS A CONTINENT. John McCain is fond of joking about how he owes the United States millions of dollars after crashing two planes as a Navy pilot. It’s a reliable line, but Kyle Brotzman can now one-up him by saying that he cost a group of people way more per capita by missing two kicks in the Boise State/Nevada game and thus pulling a $16 million rug out from under the WAC. Average out McCain’s dollars owed to each member of the US, and it’s pocket change; in contrast, Brotzman owes way more per WAC member than McCain will dream of ever owing.

The point? Kyle Brotzman’s leg blew money fast like Rick Ross, and that in itself makes him the Big Meech and Larry Hoover of the WAC. Take a bow, most baller footballer of 2010.

PLEASE ENJOY THE BUFFETS. So Utah and Boise both arrive at the Las Vegas Bowl with little to play for besides pride and free tickets to Cirque du Soleil. This seems to be enough for both teams. Chests were bumped and thumped at the teams’ dinner earlier this week, both teams profess readiness, and finishing the year on a high point seems to be more than a pleasantly optimistic talking point for both teams. Additionally: It’s Vegas! They might run into Bill Simmons there, and have a conversation where they agree about not liking fat chicks and how Tila Tequila is the Jessie Spano Karate Kid of reality show 80’s movie references! Then Bonzo or Mooch will tip the waitress a dime! They’ll all laugh, and then something about how this is just like that time with the Celtics and the thing.

QUE ES MAS ROOTABLE? Poor Boise. Blessed only with superior talent, a brilliant coaching staff, a savvy defense, the general sympathies of the college football world (and not just Pat Forde), and a hefty advantage in the points spread, somehow they’ll have to struggle to maintain the illusion of being a lovable underdog. Most of the competition they played was fluffy and defenseless, but thus is the fate of a WAC team who hung their hat on a defeat of the ACC champs and Oregon State. (Then they lost to Nevada’s best team ever, but it’s Nevada, and all people hear after that is either “WAC LOL” or “Hey, Reno 911!” No one said people were smart.)

Meanwhile, Utah grew fat on legless lambs before having the tables turned on them in the worst blowout of the year you may not remember: a 47-7 demolition at the hands of TCU that honestly could hve been much, much worse. They then lost to Notre Dame on the road, and then rebounded to finish at one of the flabbier 10-2 marks you’ll see this season. Jordan Wynn will be a very good quarterback someday, but this is not that year.

The two teams both represent the same archetype: upstarts who now have far too much success to reasonably be called underdogs in any sense of the word against anyone. Pair them against each other and your sympathies for the upstart should be balanced.

BONUS FACT ABOUT BOISE STATE THAT MAY INFLUENCE YOUR THINKING: At home games they have a dog who fetches the tee on kickoffs. She’s adorable, and I can report that firsthand because I petted her, and she tried to eat my gloves.

BONUS FACT ABOUT UTAH THAT MAY INFLUENCE YOUR THINKING: Their best offensive/special teams player is named Shaky Smithson. A name like that should have been used in the 20s on a syphilitic pitcher for the St. Louis Browns, but it seems to be working fine for the nation’s number one punt returner.

LEAN: Boise, if only because losing to Notre Dame only encourages their optimism, Utes. We’re tired of watching the Sally of life pull the football out from their Charlie Brown kicking foot at the last second year in and year out.