Auburn Football Investigation: Stanley McClover And Chaz Ramsey Are All Sizzle, No Snitch

“How awesomely is the awesome Auburn investigation going,” you ask? “Which one, haha!”, we reply. “Good question, haha!” And isn’t that just what the sinister powers that pull college football’s puppet strings want us to be doing?

HBO builds and builds the momentum for an Auburn-centric scandalicious special that ends up being, for anyone in the know, more than a bit of a letdown in terms of revealed facts. No one can commit Kenny Rogers or John Bond or A Newton Of Any Sort to camera. Stanley McClover goes on television but won’t implicate anyone by name in pay-for-play. Chaz Ramsey goes shy violet when Auburn’s lawyers want to accompany him to an interview with the NCAA. The ineptitude of these self-styled whistleblowers is nothing short of staggering, almost too conspicuously so. (You would think, operating in such close proximity to Tuscaloosa, somebody in this program would be better at snitching.)

Could it be that there is a true conspiracy by Auburn, being perpetrated by powers on the Plains themselves? Flinging out all sorts of fripperies into the ether to divert attention from ... what, exactly? The one crime we know for sure and certain actually took place? Or are there darker machinations at work?

Lowder, retired chairman of the board and chief executive officer of Colonial BancGroup, Inc., was appointed to the Board of Trustees in 1983 by Gov. George Wallace to represent the 2nd District. Appointed to a second term by Gov. Don Siegelman, his term will expire on April 21, 2011.

Know who mysteriously turned up at the Tigers’ scrimmage this past weekend? You’ll never guess! A month from now, that number will have mysteriously evaporated, and the date will read April 21, 2061. Just you wait. Oh, Bobby, you crafty devil, you.