We’re back for another week of NFL, and (hopefully) a diversion from the concussion problem. If you’d like to enjoy some amateur gambling analysis, click here. Otherwise, read on for the TV schedule, announcers, lines, and a rundown of the best (and worst) games for Week 7 of the NFL season.
NFL Buffet, Week 7: Can We Interest You In Some Chris Johnson With A Side Of Roethlisberger?
The menu for NFL Week 7 features a number of enticing courses. Titans-Eagles with a side of Steelers-Dolphins will get you started, then feast on the Patriots and Chargers before Sunday night’s dessert, Packers-Vikings. Food metaphors! The NFL Buffet is here.
GIVE ME A HEAPING HELPING
Blogs: Bleeding Green Nation and Music City Miracles
Line: Titans by 3
Announcers (Fox): Kenny Albert, Daryl Johnston, Tony Siragusa
Deciding Factor: Which inconsistent, injured starter will look cooler on the sidelines?
Hard-Hitting Analysis: Both these teams have looked great at various points this season, and with each, it's an open question as to whether they're better with their backup quarterback or starter. Kerry Collins or Vince Young? Kevin Kolb or Michael Vick? Super Bowl dark horses, or two inconsistent teams incapable of putting things together long enough to make a playoff run? There are a lot of questions here, but regardless of the answers for the long term, Sunday's matchup should be pretty entertaining. When in doubt, you can always count on Chris Johnson to keep you entertained. And just the same, Vince Young will look cool on the sideline.
Blogs: Behind the Steel Curtain and The Phinsider
Line: Steelers by 3
Announcers (CBS): Greg Gumbel, Dan Dierdorf
Deciding Factor: Ben's never been that spectacular. Chad's never had the teammates Ben has. Are we sure Ben Roethlisberger and Chad Henne aren't the same person? And at this point, who should be more insulted by the comparison?
Hard-Hitting Analysis: The Dolphins have been close in every game except one, when they fell apart in the second half against New England. Miami seems like a team that’s destined to play in close games all year long, go 9-7, and miss the playoffs as the AFC’s seventh-place team. So this game will end like, 27-23, and the Steelers will win. But it’ll be entertaining!
Blogs: Daily Norseman and Acme Packing Company
Line: Packers by 3
Announcers: Al Michaels, Cris Collinsworth
Deciding Factor: Will Brett Favre and the Vikings please just lose so we can stop talking about them? Or, if they win, can it at least be Randy Moss that dominates the game?
Hard-Hitting Analysis: As annoying as the Favre stuff is, and as bad as the Vikings have been this year, we’re still talking about one of the most anticipated games of the year. Plus: We get to hear another set of stuck-up announcers awkwardly sidestep conversations about Brett Favre’s penis. First it was Mike Tirico, then it was Joe Buck, now... Cris Collinsworth, come on down! Can we get Tim McCarver’s thoughts on the matter? Surely, Jim Nantz has something to offer as well.
I’LL HAVE A SCOOP OF THAT, PLEASE
Blogs: Pats Pulpit and Bolts From The Blue
Line: Patriots by 3
Announcers (CBS): Jim Nantz, Phil Simms
Deciding Factor: Is Norv Turner fired yet? No? Then take New England.
Hard-Hitting Analysis: Confession... When the Patriots traded Randy Moss, I wanted them to fail, but I knew deep down, there was a good chance they’d come out looking like geniuses. Nevertheless, I had no fear calling them doomed, because I thought if I willed it to happen, Bill Belichick might actually get paid back for all that terrible karma:
Now, New England’s about to find out exactly what they’re losing. You think an offense geared around Welker and Julian Edelman is going to strike fear in the AFC? And they deserve to fail.
Of course, this openly disregarded Brandon Tate, and failed to account for the Patriots (inevitable) contingency plan, which turned out to be Deion Branch. And now there's a good chance they'll be better without Moss. So, the exact opposite of what I wrote. Sometimes you just gotta go with your heart though, ya know?
Blogs: Cincy Jungle and The Falcoholic
Line: Falcons by 3.5
Announcers (CBS): Kevin Harlan, Solomon Wilcots
Deciding Factor: Will this be the week TO and Ochocinco murder Carson Palmer on the field?
Hard-Hitting Analysis: On the other hand... Would you rather have Harry Douglas and Roddy White or Chad Johnson and Terrell Owens? The Bengals have the bigger names, but from a playmaking standpoint, it's probably a wash at this point. And when you factor in all the extra-curricular stuff that the Cincy wideouts bring to the table, the Falcons guys start to look just a little better. Think about that before you pin the Bengals woes all on Carson.
I’LL TASTE IT FIRST...
Blogs: Hogs Haven and Windy City Gridiron
Line: Bears by 3
Announcers (Fox): Joe Buck Thom Brennaman! And Troy Aikman.
Deciding Factor: It's too bad this game can't be a battle between Brian Orakpo and Devin Hester. It'd be like a fight between a tiger and a shark (which could only happen in space, obviously).
Hard-Hitting Analysis: Shhh... Don't look now, but Redskins fans are beginning to realize that Donovan McNabb is terrible. The next eight weeks should be fun.
Blogs: Big Blue View and Blogging The Boys
Line: Cowboys by 3
Announcers (ESPN): Mike Tirico, Jon Gruden, Ron Jaworski
Deciding Factor: The Cowboys are seriously favored?
Hard-Hitting Analysis: From Drew Magary’s superb Cowboys breakdown at Kissing Suzy Kolber, we get a glimpse at Jason Garrett’s master plan for this franchise:
Now, let me lay out for you a very special 27-year plan for this organization that includes no less than TWO DOZEN TITLES FOR YOUR TROPHY PARLOR. Nothing makes a home like a fine trophy parlor!
(opens up massive Powerpoint deck)
As you can see, I’ve scripted the first 45,893 plays of the Jason Garrett Era, heretofore known to all as the reign of Garrett I. Each of these plays was designed using a special, proprietary Garrettmetric formula that takes the learnings of Gregg Easterbrook and advances it at least three quantums!
(clicks to first play, which is a swing pass to Felix Jones)
SWING PASSES TO FELIX JONES, SIR! EACH ONE MORE DEVASTATING THAN THE LAST! It minimizes risk while maximizing explosivity derivatives. And just when they’ve figured out our complex set of Felix Jones swing passes, we hit them with NAKED BUBBLE SCREENS TO DEZ BRYANT! No one ever expects a screen pass that fails to deploy blockers in front of the pass recipient. THAT’S THE GENIUS OF IT.
As a Dallas fan, Wade Phillips drives me to suicide. Garrett drives me toward homicide.
Rams at Buccaneers, 1 p.m.
Blogs: Turf Show Times and Bucs Nation
Line: Bucs by 3
Announcers (Fox): Dick Stockton, Charles Davis, Jim Mora Jr.
Deciding Factor: They’re both so cute I couldn’t possibly decide between the two.Hard-Hitting Analysis: Every other game of the year, the Rams and Bucs are seventh graders playing in a ninth grade league. So when they finally get to face someone their own size, it’s heartening to watch. Like, the Rams and Bucs have both had surprising success this year, and they should both come into this game thinking they have a chance to win. Isn’t that special?
Blogs: Revenge of the Birds and Field Gulls
Line: Seahawks by 5.5
Announcers (Fox): Chris Myers, Brian Billick
Deciding Factor: Is Max Hall the answer for Arizona, or will Matt Hassel--well, Matt Hasselbeck's definitely not the answer for Seattle.
Hard-Hitting Analysis: Seriously, Max Hall, y’all. Get on the bandwagon. From ESPN:
On Oct. 3 against the Chargers, he got it. He came in for Anderson and stared at 10 faces in the huddle, veterans, Pro Bowlers and men who have been to the Super Bowl. He barked out one sentence that dripped with confidence, contained at least two expletives, and was described as somewhat shocking.
"I can't repeat what he said," receiver Larry Fitzgerald says, citing Hall's reputation as a man of faith.
"It was something that we wouldn't expect from a BYU guy, a Mormon guy," says center Lyle Sendlein. "I mean, none of us really knew him. He had never really taken reps with the first [team] offensive line before. So that being his first impression, I guess it kind of eased the tension of breaking a new guy in."
I DON’T KNOW ... SMELLS KINDA FUNNY ...
Blogs: Silver and Black Pride and Mile High Report
Line: Denver by 8
Announcers (CBS): Ian Eagle, Dan Fouts
Deciding Factor: Who cares? Hard-Hitting Analysis: Seriously. Who cares?
Blogs: Buffalo Rumblings and Baltimore Beatdown
Line: Baltimore by 13
Announcers (CBS): Don Criqui, Steve Beuerlein
Deciding Factor: Watch this game because it’ll be interesting to see whether Baltimore can respond by blowing out a team that, by all rights, should get blown out this week.
Hard-Hitting Analysis: Here are the names on the Bills offense that sound like they were auto-generated in Madden: Andre Anderson, Lee Evans, Ryan Fitzpatrick, Fred Jackson, Steve Johnson, Ed Wang, David Martin, Shawne Nelson, David Nelson, Eric Wood. You could probably do this with every team, but for some reason it's more fun to think of a Bills offense just full of completely disposable, unremarkable players that, frankly, might not even exist. Thank God they've got Roscoe Parrish and C.J. Spiller to balance things out.
Blogs: Dawgs by Nature and Canal Street Chronicles
Line: Saints by 13
Announcers (CBS): Kevin Harlan, Solomon Wilcots
Deciding Factor: Is Colt McCoy the next Drew Brees?
Hard-Hitting Analysis: Eh, probably not.
NO THANKS, PLATE’S FULL
Blogs: Big Cat Country and Arrowhead Pride
Line: Chiefs by 9.5
Announcers (CBS): Bill Macatee, Rich Gannon
Deciding Factor: This game opened with the Chiefs as 1-point favorites. When it was announced Jacksonville would be starting Todd Bouman at quarterback, the line moved to 9.5. So I’d say that’s a deciding factor.
Hard-Hitting Analysis: Matt Cassel and the offense looked pretty good in the no-huddle last week. There. There's some actual analysis. Also, I kind of want to adopt Dexter McCluster.
Blogs: Niners Nation and Cat Scratch Reader
Line: Niners by 3
Announcers (Fox): Sam Rosen, Tim Ryan, but I kind of feel like this belongs on closed-circuit TV.
Deciding Factor: If the Panthers are going to win a game this year, this has got to be considered one of the best opportunities they’ll have all year. Also, remember when the 49ers were picked to make the playoffs?
Hard-Hitting Analysis: Instead of letting Matt Moore and Alex Smith putter their way through another miserable afternoon, the coaches should just put Patrick Willis and Jon Beason at quarterback. It'd still be a mess of a game, but you know you'd watch...
See More:
