Over the past year, Saints quarterback Drew Brees has earned no shortage of accolades. He was the Super Bowl MVP, he was named Sportsman of the Year by Sports Illustrated, and he graced the cover of Madden 11. Fortunately, we have now addressed a glaring oversight: none of these awards commended him for his manners!
Drew Brees Named The Best-Mannered Person Of 2010
Each year, the National League of Junior Cotillions determines the world’s best-mannered people. Best-mannered as in good manners. For real! From the press release:
The list, which is in its 19th year, is compiled by the NLJC, an etiquette and social training program involving thousands of young people in the United States.
And this is what the press release says about Brees:
"The annual selections are based on the demonstration of dignity, honor, and respect," says Elizabeth Anne Winters, NLJC National Director. "Drew Brees was chosen for not only displaying good sportsmanship in leading the New Orleans Saints to their first Super Bowl title, but also helping in the rebirth of New Orleans after the tragedy of hurricane Katrina."
The second point is fine, though implicitly terming charity work as good etiquette is mildly strange, but I’m not sure how he displayed award-winning sportsmanship on the field. He was really good at football while managing not to eye-gouge or bite anyone’s fingers. Is that what they mean?
In the absence of further elaboration, I suppose it’s up to us to draw up a guide to football etiquette.
A GUIDE TO FOOTBALL ETIQUETTE, AS DEMONSTRATED BY DREW BREES
- Try to be good at football. If you're bad at football, people might not think you're trying very hard.
- If you are sitting down to dinner on the football field, use your salad fork for salad only. Also, if you are sitting down to dinner on the football field, you will never sit down to dinner on the football field.
- It is acceptable to keep scoring points after the game is well out of reach for your opponent. 45-27, 48-22, 48-27, and 45-14 are examples of polite football scores.
- It is rude not to win the Super Bowl. Peyton Manning did not win this award because losing the Super Bowl is not as polite.
- Accordingly, the Detroit Lions' badness at football is very rude. Rout them by as many points as possible.
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