Much has been made of the fact that the Packers and Bears have not met in the playoffs since 1941, the year most notable for inspiring the hit arcade game 1941: Counter Attack. The two teams will meet in the NFC Championship on Sunday, which raises the question: could a matchup possibly be any more old-timey?
Is Packers-Bears The Most Old-Timey Matchup Possible?
I’m tempted to say that yes, it would be, but we shouldn’t go assigning superlatives all willy-nilly without a set of criteria in place.
CRITERION A: Are both of these teams older than 60 years? Jets-Chargers, for instance, might be an interesting matchup and a display of good football, but it couldn't rightly be described as old-timey. For this reason and others, Seahawks-Titans would be the least old-timey game possible (note: least old-timey and most new-timey are not the same thing.)
VERDICT: Pass.
CRITERION B: Does the color scheme resemble the innards of a caterpillar? The NFL doesn't quite have the same problem that baseball does in this department (LET'S TAKE THE BLUE JAYS AND MAKE THE HAT BLACK AND THEN MAKE EVERYTHING ELSE BLACK), but there are plenty of colors in use today that didn't exist in 1940. The Titans' powder blue was incidentally discovered by the researches of the Manhattan Project. The Jaguars' color scheme was likely stolen from a flavor of Squeez-It. The Broncos' color scheme isn't that far off from the Bears', but their uniforms are ruined by a futuristic quasi-horse on the helmets that don't say "football" so much as, "invest in our mutual funds."
VERDICT: Pass.
CRITERON C: Do these teams live in unwelcoming climes? For absolutely no reason, it was established long ago that cold weather was the default setting of American football. If you are a team in Florida or Southern California, you will never be an old-timey football team, and this shall serve as your first clue that “old-timey” isn’t necessarily a compliment.
VERDICT: Pass.
CRITERION D: Can you say the teams' names with your mouth full of boiled grits? Good luck doing so with the Buccaneers or Chiefs. In fact, I would go as far as to submit that if you aren't saying "Packers" or "Bears" without a mouth full of boiled grits, you aren't saying them properly.
VERDICT: Pass.
Well, Packers-Bears appears to meet all necessary criteria. For your NFC Championship party, I encourage you to forbid modern pleasures such as mixed drinks and guacamole. One wooden bucket full of mead, and another full of hardtack soaked in brine, and everything is black-and-white. It’s 1940s in the Midwest!
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