Ranking NFL Games 81-90, As Previewed By Someone Who Is Really Bad At Fantasy Football

As noted, the rest of this list will be ranked by special guest previewers. Please enjoy the 61st through 70th most interesting games remaining in the NFL season, and please welcome our special guest, Someone Who Is Really Bad At Fantasy Football.

81. Cleveland at Houston (Week 9)
I kind of wish I got Arian Foster. The thing is, he was kind of hurt at the beginning of the season. When Bo Jackson was hurt, he didn’t play anymore. Kind of got the willies about it. I used my first pick on Darren Sproles instead. After the draft I realized I had gotten confused and thought he was C.J. Spiller. Dang it! :(

Winner: Texans.

82. Cleveland at Pittsburgh (Week 14, Thursday night)
Wait, this game is on a Thursday night? I don’t think it counts in fantasy. Man, if I don’t have Peyton Hillis I’m basically done for that week.

Winner: Steelers.

83. Denver at San Diego (Week 12)
Tim Tebow is basically a running back and a quarterback all in one. Everyone says “Tebow Time” but I prefer to say “Tebo’ clock”! Haha! I wanted to change my fantasy name to that, but I got stuck in an ad and I think I have health insurance now.

Winner: Chargers.

84. Washington at NY Giants (Week 15)
Did you know that Eli Manning is Peyton Manning’s brother? I saw it on Wikipedia. Let’s see whether quarterback talent runs in the family!

Winner: Redskins.

85. Houston at Jacksonville (Week 12)
MEGATRON!

Winner: Jaguars.

86. San Diego at Jacksonville (Week 13, Monday night)
Wait. Wait, so you get points based on what the players do in real life? That doesn’t make sense. They’re all on different teams in real life, so how does that even make sense?

Winner: Jaguars.

87. New Orleans at Minnesota (Week 15)
Sigh. I don’t know. I guess I thought it was all done in a computer equation or something.

Winner: Saints.

88. Minnesota at Atlanta (Week 12)
Well, then, I’m screwed! I’m totally screwed. I think I should be able to just get my league fee back, because I didn’t get how it worked and nobody told me.

Winner: Falcons.

89. Oakland at Minnesota (Week 11)
Well fine, then. Keep the league fee. That’s sad. You guys are all pathetic, playing this stupid make-believe sports game. You know what I’ll do? I’ll just give make really bad trades to Matt on purpose so that he’ll win, and then I’ll get a take from his winnings! He’ll do it, too! You think you’re so football-smart, well, you’re just a bunch of stupid jocks. I’m the one with the real smarts.

Winner: Vikings.

90. Minnesota at Detroit (Week 14)
Wait, so the commissioner can just keep you from... GOD! This game is STUPID! This is just... you’re all STUPID.

Winner: Lions.