In his fourth season as the head coach of the Miami Dolphins, Tony Sparano appears to be on the hot seat. His team has opened the season with two-score losses to the Patriots and Texans, and if he can’t right the ship with a win against the Browns on Sunday, he’ll be an even more likely candidate to become the first coach of the 2011 season to lose his job.
Football Guys: The Dolphins Are Gonna Go Out There And Show Us A Thing Or Two
Dolphins coach Tony Sparano may be in danger of losing his job if he can’t start winning. In today’s installment of Football Guys, he and the Dolphins draw up a last-minute overhaul of their playbook. It’s a really bad playbook!
Luckily, though, his team appears to have his back. Let’s check in on the sorts of plays they’re drawing up in today’s installment of Football Guys.
| **Online Host** Welcome to Miami Dolphins Chat! | |
| TehSparanos: hey yous guys, sounds like if we don't make us some changes real soon, i'm gonna get canned on account o' we ain't winnin' no football games |
| TehSparanos: so we's gonna try somethin different. thought maybe i could might draws up some new plays, see what yous guys think about 'em here's one o these plays i was talkin about |
| TehSparanos: /gestures non-specifically at board so i was thinkin, ahhh, i was thinkin' about how we sometimes try passin' to yous wide receiverin' fellas, only for some bozo to come round an' knock ya on ya noggins! |
| TehSparanos: but see, lookit, i drew up some arrahs that tell ya which way what to go
you go these ways an' you just run around those bozos so ya get open an' then Henne can throw to ya! |
 | IAmMarshall: /raises hand |
| TehSparanos: yep |
| IAmMarshall: That is a good idea; unfortunately, the defenders don't just stand there, they actually follow you around while you try to catch the ball? |
| TehSparanos: heh? |
| IAmMarshall: Um... ? |
| TehSparanos: /cups hand to ear heh? |
| IAmMarshall: Oh, uh. Well, often the defenders w-- |
| TehSparanos: /spins around to Chad Henne is he sayin' right about this? sayin' about these bozos just follah yous around while yours tryin' to catch the football? |
| TupeloHenne: In my experience, yes. In fact, they often try to knock the ball down, or even try to catch it for themselves |
| TehSparanos: /bugs eyes, gestures wildly at nothing in particular |
| TehSparanos: WHY is the HECK they is doin THAT |
| IAmMarshall: They are sufficiently compensated by a competing organization :( |
| TehSparanos: well that's a bunch of MUTTONCHOP yous ask me |
| TehSparanos: /turns back around to board, gestures so's this is just dog meat, it ain't? this whole play's just a bunch o nosewipe |
| TehSparanos: them arrahs don't mean nothin'! they'll just catch up to ya, ya follah along the arrahs!
i mean i'm just a sack fulla stupid i think this is gonna work! right? |
| PeopleGetReggie: Well hold on, Coach. We still have some time. Let's see if we can come up with some plays together. |
| TehSparanos: sure would like that a whole bunch, yous guys. |
| TupeloHenne: /picks up chalk All right! This is going to be great! I've never actually drawn up my own plays before! |
| IAmMarshall: this is so exciting! |
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| PeopleGetReggie: That's the spirit! Come on, you guys, let's draw up some game-winners! |
| TehSparanos: oh boy! boy oh boy, yous guys are the best! /wrings hands in excitement can't wait to see what we's all can come up with! |
| TupeloHenne: Okay, so the first thing we do on offense is... |
| **OnlineHost** Welcome to Miami Dolphins Front Office Chat! | |
 | Fireland: /opens email |
| Fireland: "Dear Mr. Ireland, It's me, ya's old pal Tony Sparano. Who'd you expect, the dang Queen of England? Ha ha! Well it isn't!" |
| Fireland: "Since yous is the general manager, I thought it'd be good to tell yous that me an' the players worked together to make us a new playbook for Sunday's game." |
| Fireland: /sigh |
| Fireland: "We's worked real hard on this here playbook and I's just wanted to make sure ya saw it cause I's was real proud of it. We's was all real proud of it." |
| Fireland: agh come on no no no no /sigh /opens attachments |
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| Fireland: /rests face in palm |
| Fireland: jeeeeeeeeeeeeeesus |
Football Guys is a spinoff of The Dugout, a baseball-oriented series of cussy chat room conversations created in 2004 by Jon Bois, Brandon Stroud, and Nick Dallamora. You can read the latest installments of The Dugout at With Leather.
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