As the NFL’s become more and more ubiquitous over the years, it feels like every inch of the game gets covered from top to bottom. And then it gets replayed 30 minutes later, in case you didn’t get enough of Mark Schlereth the first time. So, because you’ve probably had enough of Mark Schlereth, let’s talk about NFL groupies for a minute.
A Discussion Of NFL Groupies, Courtesy Of Anonymous NFL Players
Complex Magazine and Richard Bodau put together a look at groupie culture through the eyes of anonymous NFL players, and the details will leave Tony Dungy just so, so, SO dismayed.
Some highlights after the jump.
Now, first of all, not all women are groupies. Pictured above is Evelyn Lozada, Chad Ochocinco’s wife. That’s an important distinction. As one Pro Bowler noted:
“Now, not every baby mama is a groupie, but you see a lot of women seeking the benefits of NFL players. I try to be fair that women are naturally attracted to successful men and that [includes] athletes. But now with groupies, it’s a bigger beast.”
On the other hand, another player says that groupies are, “Not a problem unless you let them be a problem.” So maybe it all depends on how you roll. Speaking of which... how much do you spend on a groupie?
“None…they’re groupies,” said one free agent safety.
Further revelations: Miami and Atlanta were the cities mentioned most often as being the “groupiest” destinations in the NFL, while Buffalo was mentioned as having the least amount of groupies AND tied with Green Bay for the least attractive groupies. (Sorry Ryan Fitzpatrick.)
More generally, there was one anecdote that capture the alternate reality best:
“I’ve had a waitress see that I’m big by my size. Once she took my credit card for the meal, she remembered my name or wrote it down or whatever and gave me my receipt. Within five minutes of leaving the restaurant, I get hit up on Twitter, and it’s her with a nude twitpic talking bout ‘This is what I look like fresh out the shower after work.’” - An anonymous #75
The stories get a lot more graphic later on, so check out the full article if you’re interested in further discussion. But you get the picture—namely, that NFL players get sent a lot of naked pictures. From complete strangers. On Twitter, at restaurants, at hotels, and even sometimes in Buffalo, groupies are pretty much everywhere. It’s all kind of incredible.
But for any prospective NFL superstars reading, a word of caution from a Pro Bowler:
“These groupies are a young man’s dream and a young man’s worst nightmare.”
And don’t even get me started on these sportswriting groupies...
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