For decades, the Milwaukee Planets have been among the worst teams in the NFL. Thanks to strong regional competition from the superior Green Bay Packers and Chicago Bears, questionable roster decisions, and a terrible team name, it seems like the Planets finish fifth in the NFC North every year.
Milwaukee Planets: The Unofficial Chat Room Of The 33rd-Best Team In The NFL
For the first time, we at SB Nation offer a behind-the-scenes look at the Planets by examining their Dugout-style chat logs, and see what they have to say about the sports stories of the day.
In today’s installment, the nucleus of the Planets’ offensive system -- quarterback Seneca Wallace, running back Larry Johnson and punter Jake Delhomme -- discuss the plight of ousted NBA superfan Clipper Darrell.
**Online Host** | |
| SenecacheNewYork: Swear to God, I went like four days before I realized Clipper Darrell wasn't a player on the Clippers. |
| SenecacheNewYork: Like, I heard the name and instantly just pictured Dimebag Darrell starting for the Clippers and then it got real weird because it zoomed out, and i had this vision of myself processing the fact that Darrell Dimebag played for the Clippers, and then just shrugging and eating the rest of my corn dog |
| IsThisYourHomeworkLarry: RIP Dimebag Darrell u were the Quiet Panteran also, the Clippers are actually pretty good these days |
| SouljaBoyDelhomme: oh COME ON, THE CLIPPERS, ARE YOU SERIOUS why is every sports team that used to be bad now good, except for us? |
 | SouljaBoyDelhomme: no other NFL team stays horrible forever, and yet the Milwaukee Planets have gone 5-11 like every year since like 1994 |
 | IsThisYourHomeworkLarry: ugh, 1994. that was when that whole Costume Incident happened |
| SouljaBoyDelhomme: the what? |
| IsThisYourHomeworkLarry: do you seriously not know what the Costume Incident was? |
| SouljaBoyDelhomme: oh i don't know, at that time i was too busy with Gak to really care about the news of the day |
| IsThisYourHomeworkLarry: what the f- okay well anyway, the Milwaukee Planets came up with a "Dress Up As Your Favorite Planet" day, and as a consequence nobody could fit through the gate |
| IsThisYourHomeworkLarry: then it started to rain, and eventually the parking lot was just this throbbing mass of soggy papier-mâché and sobbing people |
| IsThisYourHomeworkLarry: let it dry out in the sun, wait six weeks, boom, Milwaukee Brewers |
| SouljaBoyDelhomme: I thought the Brewers had been around since the '70s, I don't think that's accurate |
| IsThisYourHomeworkLarry: look we only signed you because your screen name is funny, if you turn out to be Mr. Actual Factual Joke Ruining Bad Haircut Punter you are going to get cut so fast wait why are you our punter |
| SouljaBoyDelhomme: Haha, funny you should mention it! There's actually a very funny story about how that happened! Would you like to hear it? |
| IsThisYourHomeworkLarry: what why the f*** would i ever want to hear a story about Jake Delhomme and punting, that sounds like an awful f***ing time, be quiet |
Milwaukee Planets is a spinoff of The Dugout, a baseball-oriented series of cussy chat room conversations created in 2004 by Jon Bois, Brandon Stroud, and Nick Dallamora. You can read the latest installments of The Dugout at With Leather.
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