Our eagle-eyed friends at Kissing Suzy Kolber noticed that ESPN made an interesting connection yesterday on SportsNation:
Jay Cutler is at fault for RGIII’s knee injury
ESPN has a stupid theory on why Jay Cutler is at fault for RGIII’s knee injury. Robert Wheel has four better theories on why Redskins fans can blame Jay Cutler for their season-ending early.
Jonathan Daniel
Ostensibly ESPN thinks Cutler is to blame because he hurt his knee in a playoff game, and when he came out of the game people like ESPN philosopher-king Skip Bayless called him a fraud. So naturally Jay Cutler is at fault because RGIII wouldn’t want to be called a fraud if he left the game against the Seahawks.
If you either a) have taken a graduate-level logic class or b) don’t drag your knuckles on the floor when you walk, you can probably see the glaring defect in that line of reasoning. Which is why I’ve taken it upon myself to come up with four more plausible theories on why Jay Cutler is at fault for RG3’s knee injury.
1. Jay Cutler caused RGIII’s knee injury because he smokes
As we all know, Jay Cutler is a known cigarette fiend, via Smokin' Jay Cutler:
The NIH has found that smoking cigarettes can cause your connective tissue to break down. Jay Cutler smokes, then RGIII blows out his knee. Coincidence? I think not.
2. Jay Cutler caused RGIII’s knee injury because of his college
Jay Cutler went to Vanderbilt University. Vanderbilt University is named after Cornelius Vanderbilt. Vanderbilt, a 19th Century railroad and shipping tycoon, was a member of a number of groups. Including one you might have heard of.
And who’s to say it stops there? The Trilateral Commission? The RAND Corporation? The Freemasons? Who knows how deep this thing goes?
3. Jay Cutler caused RGIII’s knee injury because of his home state
MacArthur Genius Grant recipient Courtland Milloy posited that RGIII hurt his knee because the Redskins have a racist team name. And he’s right; plenty of Native American groups have a stake in taking RGIII down. And do you remember what state Jay Cutler is from?
That’s right. INDIANa. Convenient, don’t you think?
4. Jay Cutler caused RGIII’s knee injury because he plays for the Bears
The Bears play in Chicago. And do you know who else is allegedly from Chicago?
THAT’S RIGHT, PRESIDENT OBAMA!
Think about it. He wants to be the most popular person in Washington, DC. His fights with John Boehner show he wants to embarrass middle-aged men with orange faces, aka Mike Shanahan. This thing goes to the top, people.
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