TROLL TUESDAY: Colin Kaepernick had trouble with the curve

Rather than wait for columnists to bait readers into blind Internet anger, we at SB Nation believe in setting the curve ourselves and doing so honestly. On Troll Tuesdays, we attempt to construct the most obnoxious column on earth. Today: Let’s talk about Colin Kaepernick and life.
NEW ORLEANS, LA -- The lights went out, and when they came back on the 49ers learned you can’t be great with the flick of a switch. San Francisco turned it on long enough to make things interesting, but when the lights shined brightest the Niners’ new superstar flickered. To me, it was the difference between “very good” and “elite”.

Very good gets you there. Elite gets you the win. Joe Flacco got the win Sunday.

Colin Kaepernick? Oh sure, he was very good, too.

What matters most, though, is crunch time. San Francisco had four chances inside the 10 yard-line to win a football game Sunday, and they came up empty. A lot of folks will tell you there should have been a flag on that final pass to Michael Crabtree, but guess what: If Kaepernick delivers a catchable ball, then maybe they throw the flag. Maybe that’s the difference between a win and a loss, between a great player and a great team.

Would Alex Smith have fared better? Great question.

Only this is certain: When the Superdome lights shined bright on that final 49ers drive, their young magician ran out of tricks. The electricity was nowhere to be found.

All the razzle dazzle fizzled.

It reminded me of a great movie I saw this week. With the whole world out partying the night away Friday night in NOLA, I took a night off and watched the movie Trouble With The Curve. I don’t want to turn a sports column into pop culture-fest, but hear me out.

In the movie a man named Gus Lobel is a scout for the Atlanta Braves and time’s passing him by. He scouted all the greats over the years. Hank Aaron, Maddux, Glavine. Name the player and Gus has a story for you. Name the bar and Gus knows the bartender, too.

But Gus is going blind.

The Braves are going blind, too--blinded by the information age. They’ve hired a new scout who uses complex computer programs to break down all the best prospects. (Why see the world when you can stare at a computer screen all the day?). When it comes time for the Braves to scout a potential top prospect two weeks before the Major League draft, they send Gus on the road to check him out, even though they’ve already made up their mind. Their numbers say the kid’s a home run, and that’s all that matters.

Well, Gus hits the road and his estranged daughter comes, too, and they see something different. The outfielder that everyone loves treats his teammates like infield dirt.

Not only that, the superstar prospect might burn out sooner than the experts think. Gus is too blind to see it, but he tells his daughter that with the best prospects in the world, you can hear their greatness. Greatness has a sound. You know it when you hear it. And old Gus isn’t hearing it.

So while his daughter falls in love with Justin Timberlake--in town scouting the same prospect for the Boston Red Sox--Gus isn’t falling for the kid that every scout adores.

I won’t spoil the ending for you, but let’s just say it all ends with Gus confessing to a murder to bring himself closer to his daughter, all while the Atlanta Braves and their computer whiz kid are wiping egg off their face.

Turns out, the can’t-miss kid they drafted can’t hit a curve ball.

Old Gus Lobel was right all along.

Now what if I told you Gus Lobel was played by Clint Eastwood? Is that perfect, or what? It probably won’t win any Academy Awards later this month, but only because it’s not about some horrible tragedy or social cause. It’s just a movie about a man and a game he loves.

Spoiler alert: The game of baseball is a lot like the game of life.

There was a lot to learn from the Super Bowl, too. For all the gimmicks of the fancy 49ers offense and their electric quarterback, Righteous Ray Lewis and Baltimore pulled the plug.

Underdogs all week, and then the Ravens made the experts eat crow.

There’s a difference between wit and wisdom, and San Francisco learned that lesson the hard way on Super Sunday, just like the Atlanta Braves. There’s still time for Colin Kaepernick to grow, of course. Nobody’s writing an obituary here. God knows Gus Lobel probably hit a few bumps in the road before he became a legend. Life takes time.

But on Sunday the lessons were clear: Joe Flacco can hit home runs for your team all day long. John Harbaugh knows the sound of greatness when he hears it, and Righteous Ray got the happy ending he deserved. The 49ers? Maybe instead of watching film, they should go to the movies. I just checked my watch, and it looks like there’s plenty of time in the offseason. In the meantime, this week we hear the four most magical words in sports.

Pitchers.

And.

Catchers.

Report.

Just when you thought football’s gone and life’s over, baseball’s back to make us feel young again and impart all the wisdom we never knew we needed.

Let’s hope young Mr. Kaepernick is paying attention.