With top 100 lists and organization Mount Rushmores filling space recently, this is apparently the part of the NFL calendar to make random lists and teams. Making a team of the best players is easy and played out, so instead we decided to make a team with the best players who also happen to have awesome middle names.
The NFL All-Middle-Name team
Which NFL player has the middle name McCandless? What about Hilary? Find out in our All-Middle-Name team.
Christian Petersen
That’s right, this is your NFL All-Middle-Name team of 2013.
Quarterback: Russell Carrington Wilson
Russell Wilson gets us started off strong for the rare Carrington sighting. Russell Carrington sounds more like a high-end men's clothing store than it does an NFL quarterback. But hey, at least he has a store name if he decides to get into fashion when his playing days are over.
Runner-up: Antonio Ramiro Romo
Running back: Jamaal RaShaad Jones Charles
What’s better than one middle name? How about two middle names like Jamaal RaShaad Jones Charles. Not many names include seven uses of the letter A.
Runner-up: LeSean Kamel McCoy
Wide receiver: Quintorris Lopez Jones
How about Quintorris Lopez Jones?
Runner-up: William Percy Harvin III
Wide receiver: Andre McXavier Roberts
Roger Goodell should suspend Andre Roberts immediately until he agrees to go by McXavier. Finally put that power to good use.
Runner-up: Davone Atrayo Bess
Tight end: Marcedes Alexis Lewis
Somewhere in the name Marcedes Alexis Lewis is a Kanye West joke about not being able to afford expensive cars.
Runner-up: Jacob Francis Tamme
Offensive line: Joseph Henry Thomas
Joe Henry Thomas is most offensive line sounding name of all the names. Either that or New Orleans Saints quarterback.
Runner-up: Jeffrey Kalei Faine
Offensive line: Anthony Salvatore Castonzo
Anthony Salvatore Castonzo pulls off the rare triple combo of a name ending in Y, E and O.
Runner-up: Leonard Barnett Davis
Offensive line: Maxwell McCandless Unger
We should probably just stop here. We’re never finding a better middle name than McCandless.
Runner-up: Scott Darvin Wells
Offensive line: Sean Hilary Locklear
No, really his middle name is Hilary.
Runner-up: Christopher Clarks Spencer
Offensive line: D’Brickashaw Montgomery Ferguson
D'Brickashaw Montgomery Ferguson is either the Jets' left tackle or a future president.
Runner-up: Sebastian Georg Vollmer
Defensive end: Connor Alfred Barwin
Yup. Totally looks like an Alfred ... or not.
Runner-up: Kendall Arkel Langford
Defensive tackle: Paul Fuapapa Soliai
Good luck finding a middle name more fun to say than Fuapapa.
Runner-up: Etuini Haloti Ngata
Defensive tackle: Domata Uluaifaasau Peko
Twenty-one letters, 13 vowels.
Runner-up: Tyson Asi Alualu
Defensive end: Aldon Jacarus Smith
Good thing Aldon didn't go by A.J., then he would have been blamed for letting Drew Brees walk and hiring Norv Turner.
Runner-up: Marcus Raishon Spears
Linebacker: Thomas Arquis Howard
No, it’s not Marquis, it’s Arquis.
Runner-up: Lance Marell Briggs
Linebacker: Terrell Raymonn Suggs
If all three of your names have double letters, you make the list.
Runner-up: Jonathan Polynice Vilma
Linebacker: Derrick O’Hara Johnson
Unfortunately, Derrick O'Hara Johnson and Shaun O'Hara have never been teammates.
Runner-up: Karlos Montez Dansby
Cornerback: Cortland Temujin Finnegan
Cortland Finnegan is apparently partially named after a Mongolian emperor. He’s obviously making the list.
Runner-up: Darrelle Shavar Revis
Safety: Antrel Rocelious Rolle
Rocelious Rolle really rings.
Runner-up: Bernard Karmell Pollard
Safety: Christian Napoleon Chancellor
No wonder he goes by Kam.
Runner-up: Terrell Ray Williams Ward Jr.
Cornerback: Tracy O’Neil Porter
Tracy O’Neil, meet O’Neil Porter.
Runner-up: Leon Lastarza Hall
Kicker: Kai August Forbath
Kai July would have rhymed better.
Runner-up: Philip Drury Dawson
Punter: Dustin Farr Colquitt
When it comes to punter middle names, Farr is a lot better than shank.
Runner-up: Saverio Giovanni Rocca
More from SB Nation:
See More:
