As previously explained, the Spike Factor is not supposed to be a perfect indicator of offensive ability, but I would like to think it’s not entirely meaningless as a measure of how well or poorly a team plays. But six teams (Arizona, Cleveland, Carolina, Green Bay, Chicago and Philadelphia) won in Week 2 despite having a Spike Factor higher than their opponents’, and five (Dallas, Philadelphia, Baltimore, Arizona and Chicago) did the same in Week 3.
Just spike the ball and punt, Jaguars
The Giants and Texans haven’t been very productive on offense, but they’ve got nothing on the Jaguars.
In fact, the Eagles have now defied the predictive abilities of the Spike Factor in all three of their wins. Naturally, that leads me to wonder: what if this statistic I made up isn't actually useful?
Terrifying. Truly terrifying. The whole spreadsheet is here, if you even care anymore. You’re pretty much just sticking around to laugh at anyone who plays quarterback for a NFL team in Florida.
CARLOS SANTANA SMOOTH TEAM OF THE WEEK
There were plenty of reasons to doubt the Houston offense entering this season. Arian Foster's not getting any younger, Andre Johnson didn't really want to be a Texan for a while and Ryan Fitzpatrick is Ryan Fitzpatrick. Too bad for us haters and doubters; the Texans are 2-1, and they scored the lowest Spike Factor of Week 2 against the Oakland Raiders, finishing with a failure rate of just 20.31 percent.
The Texans were gracious enough to pass off their low-spike status to the New York Giants, their opponent in Week 3. Eli Manning's crew gained yardage on all but 18.84 percent of the plays they ran, the best Spike Factor of last week and the lowest for this season so far. You get TWO scoops of rainbow sherbet after dinner, Eli.
THE ALMOST WORST
Detroit, Minnesota and Carolina all stumbled to a Spike Factor north of 41 percent in Week 2, but because the Panthers were playing the Lions, by rule, both teams could not lose. Tampa and Denver joined them in that unpleasantly lofty territory in Week 3. These were not offensive performances to be proud of. And yet they don't even come close to the saddest Spike Factor of the whole damn year.
THE TETANUS SPIKE
First, let’s get last week’s highest Spike Factor out of the way: Miami, you had the worst performance in the league, failing to advance the line of scrimmage on 46.27 percent of the plays you ran. Disappointment, disgust, et cetera. The real action was in Week 2. Ready?
Sure? Ok.
54.17 percent of the plays the Jacksonville Jaguars ran in their road loss to Washington did not gain any yardage.
Fifty. Four. Point. One. Seven.
The Spike Factor started out as a college football metric, and to see a team break 50 percent there was really, really rare, the kind of thing you usually only saw from the Purdues or Cals or Wake Forests of the 2012 world. This is not the comparison you want, Jacksonville. The NFL does not need its own Purdue. Purdue doesn’t even need its own Purdue.
Take this Tetanus Spike. Think about what you're doing with your life, Jaguars. And for the love of god, bench Chad Henne.
RACE FOR THE S.S. TETANUS
Jacksonville’s meltdown in D.C. catapults the Jaguars into first place in the season-long race for the most unprogressive offense, four Spike Factor percentage points worse than Philadelphia (COLLEGE OFFENSES HARUMPH HARUMPH). I’m starting to feel a little queasy.
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