Here’s how the refs will be biased this week in the NFL playoffs
When breaking down playoff matchups, fans often forget the most crucial element: How a CIA-grade conspiracy will trickle down to the referees and influence the outcomes of the games.
The NFL playoffs are rigged. Why else would the referees who oversaw last Sunday's wild card game in Dallas pick up the flag they threw for pass interference on Anthony Hitchens, or miss the Cowboys' hold on Ndamukong Suh on a pivotal fourth down conversion? You see, referees aren't like you and me -- they are neither fleshy nor fallible. Cut them, and they do not bleed. Insult them, and they do not cry. They do not put on their pants one leg at a time -- they don't even wear pants: What appear to be baggy black slacks are actually a loose epidermal layer that allows NFL referees to turn around and attack like badgers when seemingly caught in the clutches of unsuspecting foes.
NFL referees are conniving, illuminati-bred jerks who serve only their shadowy masters. That doesn't mean we can't figure out where their allegiances lay. Careful observers could have guess that the Cowboys would get favorable calls against the Lions after Dean Blandino got caught hanging out on the teams' party bus. The teams in this weekend's other divisional round matchups have also dropped clues that they have curried refs' favor.
The Patriots were already the beneficiary of what our own Stephen White called the worst penalty at the midpoint of the season.
Perhaps more egregiously, however, referees actively helped the Patriots beat the Jets this season by moving Dont'a Hightower out of an illegal formation just before the Pats blocked what could have been a game-winning field goal.
Roll the tape:
Bill Belichick more like Bill Belicheater.
Tom Brady more like Tom Shady.
Robert Kraft more like Inside Jobert Kraft.
Gillette Field more like Steallette Field.
Foxborough more like Foxbought.
The Seahawks are the most penalized team in the NFL, and have had the fewest flags thrown against their opponents this season. The Panthers are among the NFL’s least penalized teams -- they rank fifth with just 91 flags thrown against them, compared to 104 thrown against their opponents.
It makes sense why the league would have a vendetta against the Seahawks. Repeat champions are bad for business because no one wants to buy Super Bowl crud two years in a row. But why would the league favor the Panthers? The lowly, .500 Panthers?
Because the NFL is clever, and worse, it thinks you’re too dumb to notice. The Panthers are pawns. Wake up.
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Cowboys vs. Packers
The flag reversal, the missed hold, the latent explanation, the presidential hopeful in the owner’s box, Jerry Jones’ icy grin -- this may be the most penetrating conspiracy in the history of the game. And what a nice story that would be if the Cowboys conquered the Packers at Lambeau Field, where the Packers are 14-5 all-time and temperatures may drop to near Ice Bowl levels.
Then there is Aaron Rodgers, who has conveniently suffered an injury that no one knows anything about:
A doctor familiar with the injury told Schefter that Rodgers will certainly be limited against the Cowboys, “the question is whether he’ll be 95 percent or 50 percent.”
That sounds like a convenient excuse to be able to let Rodgers know when to throttle back -- “Hey Aaron, you’re getting too close to the end zone, let’s say you’re feeling 65 percent on this next play.” Poison the heart of the Packers’ offense, and the body crumbles.
The Cowboys are going to the Super Bowl this season, and the referees will do everything in their power to make that happen, including keeping the Seahawks away from the NFC Championship game. Seattle has already proven it can win despite a handicap. Pete Carroll is much too dangerous to let jeopardize this mission. The Panthers? They'll be plenty happy to make the NFC Championship after going 3-8-1 to start the season.
They’ll let this one play out. This game should be a fun game for everyone!
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