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Come Fan with UsWednesday, August 5, 2026

Only 1 of the quarterbacks in the Super Bowl plays the game the right way

(DISCLAIMER: This article is intended to satirize some of the Bad Takes about Cam Newton you’ll be seeing from other media and people on Facebook in the next two weeks. If you send us an angry email about the content of this article, we will send back a screenshot of this disclaimer.)

The Super Bowl isn’t just a matchup between two football teams. It’s a matchup between two quarterbacks who view football in completely different ways.

One of the two teams fighting for the NFL’s championship is helmed by a true leader. The other is led by a classless ingrate who doesn’t know how to play the game the right way.

That’s right. Peyton Manning has a lot to learn from Cam Newton.

The biggest problem is with Manning’s persona. It’s clear he puts his personal brand ahead of his on-the-field play. It’s hard to watch football for five minutes without seeing an advertisement with me-first Manning.

Football is a team sport, but Manning only seems to care about himself.

And of course, he just won’t stop dancing.

Football first? Not with this guy.

And when he gets on the field, Manning is always scowling:

Hey buddy -- you get paid millions of dollars to play a kid’s game. If you’re not enjoying it, somebody else will gladly take your place. At least we know Newton is passionate about the sport he loves to play.

(Photo credit: Jeremy Brevard, USA Today Sports)

Peyton never takes a break from screaming and barking at his teammates with a seemingly endless list of orders.

(Photo credit: Ron Chenoy, USA Today Sports)

Imagine working with a guy like that, constantly shouting. It’s clear Manning has no respect for his teammates -- and no respect for authority, acting as if he’s a coach on the field.

Newton goes out of his way to show he cares about the fans, making sure children have the happiest days of their lives:

Manning mocks his fans and mocks the opponents by using the ball as a prop in elaborate, pre-planned on-field celebrations.

There’s a word for what Manning does: Showboating.

Newton is a role model, a family man. It’s adorable that he had this shirt made of him hanging out with his newborn son.

Meanwhile, Manning forces his terrified son to face the media after games.

And of course, only one of these two quarterbacks is currently embroiled in a steroid scandal.

You can root for either team in the Super Bowl. But even if the Broncos win, Peyton Manning is the real loser in the game of class.

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