‘NFL Blitz’ bracket: Cowboys oust Eagles in Sweet 16 of the league’s most exciting teams

The arcade game NFL Blitz presented a lawless brand of football. Without penalties, virtual defensive backs could launch themselves into helpless receivers while the ball was in the air with no fear of official retribution. The waning seconds after a play was blown dead were prime time for tendon-snapping late hits and occasional suplexes into the turf.

In short, the league would abhor the game if it came out in 2017.

Blitz didn’t just make the game fun by adding chaos. The beauty in the game was its ability to distill teams to their most exciting components. Every lineup depended on just five men — one quarterback, a tailback, a tight end, and two wide receivers. Whoever commanded the biggest playmakers won.

We kicked off the Blitz Bracket last week, pitting 32 NFL franchises against each other in their current forms to determine the league’s most exciting team. The first round saw defensively focused playoff teams like the Seahawks and Texans fall to the bracket’s lesser half while offense-first juggernauts like the Saints and Packers skated through to the second round.

The final 16 features nailbiters like a Giants-Chargers matchup that pits veteran quarterbacks and explosive receiving corps, and the Colts playing the perfect reality version of themselves. It also forces us to compare Alex Smith and Drew Brees, which is, well, less exciting.

Kirk Cousins is sorta made for NFL Blitz. Big arm, empty stats, and the game’s patented first-and-30 technology limits the amount of touchdown passes he’d have to throw from inside the red zone. Unfortunately, his supporting cast is lacking, especially against a Patriots team that just added one of the fastest wideouts in the league.

Winner: Patriots

A solidly competent Colts team would be competitive with the Falcons. The problem is this: Wherever Indianapolis is at its best, Atlanta is just a little better. Matt Ryan is the potential-realized version of Andrew Luck. T.Y. Hilton is great, but Julio Jones is a mutant. Frank Gore is still effective at age 56, but Devonta Freeman doesn’t have to leave games early to catch a deal at the Hometown Buffet.

Winner: Falcons, but the Colts pull off the upset 33 percent of the time.

NFL Blitz’s defense paid no attention to pass interference, which made stopping one juggernaut player easy — you just tackled him as soon as the play started. That makes depth more important in a close matchup like this, where Winston-Evans-Jackson is a strong enough trio to challenge Roethlisberger-Brown-Bell. Unfortunately, Tampa Bay’s lack of a fourth playmaker leaves the team just short of a big upset.

Winner: Steelers

David Johnson would be a borderline superhero in a Blitz reboot, but one man alone isn’t enough to slow down a juggernaut Packers offense.

Winner: Packers

The Cowboys are too much, too soon for an Eagles offense that’s still coming together after a rough 2016. The Zeke-Dak-Dez combination is simply tough to beat, and Philly’s only advantage in this matchup is Matthews vs. Beasley.

Winner: Cowboys

Blitz’s simplistic technology means the power to make Alex Smith ignore a wide open Tyreek Hill is now in your hands. The Chiefs have some solid pieces in place, but they’re never going to win an offense-only shootout by pitting Smith up against Drew Brees.

Winner: Saints

Chargers-Giants is the toughest matchup of the Blitz Bracket’s second round. Los Angeles at full strength gets solid advantages at tailback and tight end, but New York’s dynamic receiving corps nets a big win at WR1 and a more even matchup at WR2. (Allen vs. Marshall is a debate that could arc in several different directions given the questions surrounding each talented wideout.) In the end, a coin flip gives this one to LA.

Winner: Chargers

The Raiders get an upgrade at tight end after the first round now that Jared Cook is on the roster. That puts Clive Walford, who disappointed last season, on the outside looking in.

But the real question: Is the Newton-Olsen-Benjamin triumvirate enough to overcome Oakland’s Carr-Cooper-Crabtree connection? Both teams feature similarly competent lead runners, putting the onus of this matchup directly onto the receiving corps. While Newton’s ability to run the ball makes him the biggest scoring threat of this showdown, the talent and big play ability of Crabtree and Cooper push the Raiders on to the quarterfinals.

Winner: Raiders

That leaves the bracket with just eight teams vying for a berth in the semifinals.

The matchups include a rematch of January’s NFC Championship, a perfect-world, Derek-Carr-stays-healthy clash between the Raiders and Patriots, and somehow, more Philip Rivers. As the quest to crown the league’s most exciting offense continues, players like Odell Beckham Jr., David Johnson, Cam Newton, Jameis Winston, and Tyreek Hill have no recourse but to wait and hope the difference between a good and elite playmaking squad can be found in the 2017 NFL draft.