10 good and/or bad ideas about what the Cleveland Browns should do at the top of the 2018 NFL Draft

The Cleveland Browns are in a great position in the upcoming 2018 NFL Draft ... probably. Not even the Browns can mess up having the No. 1 and No. 4 pick, right?

Since there are a lot of different things the Browns can do here, we decided to figure it out for them.

Last month, it came out that Buffalo — which has already traded its starting quarterback to the Browns — had talked to the Browns about a trade for the No. 1 pick.

The Bills have two first-round picks (No. 12 and 22 overall) and two second-round picks (No. 53 and 56). They have next year’s first- and second-round picks, too. They would likely be willing to part with a few of them.

But let’s say they just gave you this year’s 12th and 22nd picks. You could let them take the risk on a guy who, with the right breaks, could end up as good as Ryan Mallett. You, meanwhile, could grab the following with your three first-round picks:

Getting Allen/Nelson vs. getting some combination like Mayfield/Wynn/Landry or Nelson/James/Rudolph? Ignoring the other picks you’d probably be able to coax out of Buffalo, you take the latter 100 of 100 times.

In the seven drafts from 2009 through 2015, you made 10 first-round selections. Sometimes you went defense (Phil Taylor, Barkevious Mingo, Joe Haden, Justin Gilbert, Danny Shelton), sometimes you tried to improve the offensive line (Alex Mack, Cam Erving), sometimes you tried to find your quarterback (Johnny Manziel, Brandon Weeden), and sometimes you picked the highest-drafted running back in five years (Trent Richardson).

I’m not going to tell you those were all bad picks! But none of them play for your team now, so, in some sense, there was no point in them.

Which is why I’m going to suggest you trade out. Not just of the first round, but of the 2018 draft entirely. Stockpile picks that won’t be available for a year or two or three. Prey on the weakness of teams that want to try and win now. It’s 2006, you’re a large financial institution, and every other team is an unsuspecting homebuyer. Go sell them on that balloon mortgage!

There are other reasons why you should just trade into the future.

Most importantly? You get to sell vague hope. It’s a different hope than here-is-a-21-year-old-holding-our-jersey-please-put-all-your-emotions-on-him. This hope is so far away that you don’t even have to define it.

Plus you can always just find a new job before those picks.

Look, we all know you need a quarterback. I know you may be distracted by the shiny tallness of Josh Allen, but don’t fall for it! How many typical, pro-style quarterbacks do you have to watch fail in your city?

Mayfield has an edge to him. What better way to turn things around by bringing some energy?

Remember how Sam Darnold flirted with staying at USC amid y’all having the first pick? And how Jim Mora said he wouldn’t want his former QB, Josh Rosen, to be taken by Cleveland? Meanwhile, Mayfield comes off excited when talking about what he can do in Cleveland.

Oh, and he has the two most efficient passing seasons in college football history. There’s also that.

It’s fine to trade all the picks away for future endeavors. But that’s just kicking the can of draft pain down the road.

Don’t bother taking offers for picks. Don’t answer the phone. Don’t look at the Big Board.

Just take a vacation and clear your mind. The draft can be a stressful time, and there are perils with every pick and transaction. You don’t need that this year, Browns. Focus on yourself.

Skip the draft. You deserve it.

Yes, there’s a lot of creative ways to use the No. 1 pick. But a really novel idea would be to just get a quarterback who’s a good football player.

Allen — a player who completed 56 percent of his passes at Wyoming in 2017 and 49 percent (FORTY-NINE PERCENT!) at a junior college in 2014 — is not that quarterback.

Mayfield would fit the bill after winning the Heisman in 2017. Lamar Jackson was the Heisman winner in 2016. You could sell me on Rosen or Darnold. Just figure out which one is good at football and pick him.

I have no idea if any of the quarterbacks at the top of this draft class is actually going to be any good as an NFL starter. I suspect Allen won’t and Mayfield will, but everyone is a wild card. The Browns should trust their player personnel department — I can’t believe I’ve just typed those words — and pick their favorite at No. 1.

At No. 4, they should take Alabama’s do-everything defensive back. Fitzpatrick is really close to a sure thing as a future Pro Bowl DB, no matter his position.

The Browns could mess up a QB pick easily, but you’d almost have to be doing it on purpose to not get elite play out of Fitzpatrick.

This isn’t realistic, but we’re going to play the game anyway. If the Browns decide to build around Taylor, they get to take Bradley Chubb and Saquon Barkley at No. 1 and No. 4 overall. You give your QB Barkley, Josh Gordon, Jarvis Landry, Corey Clement, and David Njoku as weapons, with a defensive line that includes Myles Garrett and Chubb. Use the three second-round picks, and others in later rounds, to add depth and talent.

With that, you hope Taylor can do enough. After all, Blake Bortles took the Jaguars to the AFC Championship game. And let’s not forget:

The Browns would need some time to get experience. All of those weapons minus Gordon are still pretty new, and even Gordon spent a few years away. But assuming they all reach their potential, that’s a nasty skill corps.

If Taylor doesn’t work out, I know another quarterback they could give a shot.

For the love of LeBron, Browns, just be boring. Do what most mock drafts think you’re going to do: draft Darnold at No. 1 and either Barkley or Chubb at No. 4. If one ends up as a bust, it won’t be because you Browns’d it up. It’s just the cruel fate of the NFL.

Like, by almost every metric, Allen is not going to be a franchise quarterback. EVERYONE KNOWS THIS. All it would do is confirm every joke made at your expense, that you are the Browns and will always be the Browns and there’s some ancient curse that forbids you from ever, ever, ever making the right decision. Maybe Darnold won’t ever be a viable starter either, but he could be. There’s still hope.

It might be anticlimactic on draft night, but who cares? At least you won’t be making fools of yourselves.

Legally every coupon is required to have a cash value associated with it. I don’t know if that’s true for draft picks, but I do know that you can’t go wrong having cash in hand.

Cleveland’s QB situation is an ages-old smoking crater. Let’s get drastic.

Drafting Allen is an especially big risk for the Browns. It’s a big risk for anybody, but can a team with a coach on a scorching-hot seat afford to spend a year on such a raw prospect?

But! Go ahead and take Allen at No. 1. Then trade all your other 2018 picks for No. 2. (The trade value chart says it’d come close to working, but you’ll probably still need to sweeten the deal, so tell New York you’ll put in a good word with LeBron about his upcoming free agency.) Who are you gonna take there? Take Darnold, since the rest of the NFL seems to like him a lot.

Now you have a developmental QB and a relatively game-ready rookie. But drafting two QBs was something the Browns thought of already, and therefore it’s a bad idea.

It’s bad because it’s not enough.

You want the No. 3 pick, and it’s just become even harder to get, because you’ve already freaked out the rest of the league. It’s gonna take pretty much your whole 2019 draft to get the Jets to step down, but luckily, you’ve already put in a good word about New York with LeBron.

You finally get No. 3, and No. 4 was yours. Pick two from among Jackson, Mayfield, and Rosen.

You now have five QBs (counting Taylor), a ridiculous number tying up a huge portion of your salary cap, but remember: you’re the Browns. Problems can only be solved via extreme means, and even the word “can” is theoretical. Now sign a reality show deal, with one of these five guys getting traded each year until only a starter and backup remain.

We’ve fixed Cleveland’s QB situation. Have we ruined everything else in the process? No, we haven’t. It was already ruined anyway.