100 percent correct predictions for the 2019 NFL season that we definitely won’t regret later

NFL predictions in early September are, for the most part, garbage.

The league is an untamable beast whose undulations can cast off even the most iron-clad locks. The rise of onetime cellar dwellers at the expense of former contenders is the NFL’s proudest cycle. It keeps all but the most downtrodden fans invested in the promise of a new season, even if the last one ended in utter failure.

While some of the league’s elite will remain their status in the old guard — the Patriots, if we’re being honest with ourselves — new arrivals will challenge that throne in both the postseason bracket and the NFL’s individual awards.

This all makes the process of preseason predictions a silly exercise. The league’s ever-changing landscape reduces all manners of expertise into a raw collection of educated guesses. Like last year, when some of us picked Aaron Rodgers to return to MVP form or Dante Pettis to win offensive rookie of the year honors. We came back and tried again in February, only to see many of those derailed by the draft, free agency, and one shocking retirement.

So yeah, our picks are mostly going to be wrong. But you should read them anyway, because they’ll still offer valuable clues as to how 2019 will unfold, from the first snap in September until the moment the confetti falls at Super Bowl 54 — even if it’s in ways we never saw coming.

Russell Wilson, Seahawks — Christian D’Andrea
Patrick Mahomes, Chiefs — Sarah Hardy
Patrick Mahomes, Chiefs — James Brady
Baker Mayfield, Browns — Adam Stites

Wilson is always left hanging around the periphery of the MVP race, guiding his Seahawks to contention despite a typically sparse lineup of targets. 2019 should be no different. Injuries and Doug Baldwin’s retirement have left Seattle with one of the league’s worst WR corps, but Wilson — now flanked by a potent running game led by Chris Carson — will likely finish his year with something like 35 touchdown passes, 3,500 passing yards, and one of the top QB ratings in the NFL.

Those aren’t typical MVP numbers, but factor in another postseason appearance from a team that’s supposed to be past its sell-by date and you’ve got a recipe that will swing AP voters to Wilson’s side. If the Seahawk can live up to his lofty standard and ride a revamped defense and scattershot offense into the playoffs, he’ll be deserving of MVP consideration. — D’Andrea

Boring, I know. But we can almost guarantee the winner will be a quarterback, and until I see any sort of evidence that Mahomes or the Kansas City offense is headed for a regression, I won’t believe it. — Hardy

Screw it, let’s go all in on the hype train. Mayfield threw 27 touchdowns last year, setting a new NFL rookie record despite not starting until Week 4. Now he’s got another year’s worth of development and the addition of Odell Beckham Jr. working in his favor. Expect a ton of touchdowns. — Stites

Myles Garrett, Browns — Sarah Hardy
Joey Bosa, Chargers — Christian D’Andrea
Fletcher Cox, Eagles — Charles McDonald
Bradley Chubb, Broncos — James Brady
Chris Jones, Chiefs — Adam Stites

You could call last year a breakout season for Garrett, the dinosaur-loving, dessert-declining, Grecian God wannabe. He flashed as a rookie in 2016, but languished on an 0-16 Browns team. In his second season, the former No. 1 pick racked up 13.5 sacks — three of which came against Ben Roethslisberger! — on a defense that was still kinda average.

Now, Garrett has more pass-rushing help than just fellow third-year lineman Larry Ogunjobi. This offseason, the Browns added two Pro Bowlers, Olivier Vernon and Sheldon Richardson, to their defensive front. Not only should Cleveland’s D-line be one of the best in the NFL this year, those reinforcements will let Garrett unleash his true disruptive powers — we’re talking 20+ sacks territory here.

On the field, that is. Off the field, he’ll probably just chill and listen to a little Fleetwood Mac. — Hardy

Jones had 15.5 sacks for the Chiefs, despite mostly playing on the interior. It was 2.5 more sacks than edge rusher Dee Ford. It’s still a mystery how on Earth he didn’t make a Pro Bowl last year, but if his production continues to rise, Jones will be impossible to ignore. — Stites

Kyle Shanahan, 49ers — Christian D’Andrea
Kyle Shanahan, 49ers — James Brady
Matt LaFleur, Packers — Charles McDonald
Adam Gase, Jets — Adam Stites
Bruce Arians, Buccaneers — Sarah Hardy

I don’t know what to expect out of the Bucs this year. They could finish in last place in the NFC South for the third year in a row, or they could make their way back into the playoffs for the first time in over a decade. Not much would surprise me, unless they’re somehow worse in their first season under Arians than they were in their last season under Dirk Koetter.

I doubt that’s the case, though. In six seasons as a head coach (including his interim year with the Colts), Arians has only finished with a losing record once, when the Cardinals went 7-8-1 in 2016.

Arians should get the Bucs back on the right track after his brief retirement, and that’ll impress the voters who might be a little tired of Sean McVay clones. Plus, NFL circles love him. He’s already won the award twice before. — Hardy

The Eagles over the Chiefs — Christian D’Andrea
The Patriots over the Eagles — Charles McDonald
The Patriots over ... The Chiefs over the Eagles — Sarah Hardy
The Saints over the Chiefs — James Brady
The Chiefs over the Seahawks — Adam Stites

Last year at this time, I picked the Vikings to beat the Steelers in Super Bowl 53. Let’s pause for a sec so you can go ahead and LOL at me.

I knew then that it was nothing more than wishful thinking, because my reason for choosing the Vikings was as follows: “they’re not the Patriots, who will probably end up here anyway.” Then when that Voldemort of a sentence came true, I wrote in February, “I’m picking the Patriots to win every Super Bowl until the end of time now.”

I still believe that deep down, but you don’t want to hear about how the Patriots’ schedule looks like the SEC’s Cupcake Week stretched out over an entire year And neither do I. So once again, I’ll just try to The Secret a non-Patriots Super Bowl into existence.

The Chiefs were a penalty away from making the last Super Bowl. Their Madden-like offense is more or less the same, and the defense will be better (not that it has much choice to go anywhere but up). The Eagles have one of the most complete rosters in the NFL and a majority of their players have already been on this stage before. If you think the Chiefs are cursed, well, a lot of people said the same thing about the Eagles until two seasons ago. This is the year, Kansas City. This is the year!

I’m sorry. I already regret this. — Hardy

Dante Pettis, 49ers — James Brady
Dante Pettis, 49ers — Christian D’Andrea
Mike Gesicki, Dolphins — Charles McDonald
James Washington, Steelers — Sarah Hardy
Marcus Davenport, Saints — Adam Stites

Let’s see what my 2018 offensive rookie of the year pick can do with a whole season of Jimmy Garoppolo (and a limited number of high-impact wide receivers around him) can do. — D’Andrea

Well, SOMEONE has to catch passes for the Dolphins. Kenny Stills is gone, leaving the Dolphins in need of targets. Gesicki has all right tools to be a dominant receiving threat. Now, he has the opportunity. — McDonald

No AB, no problem? The Steelers wish it were that simple. While there’s no replacing Antonio Brown, I think Washington can take advantage of getting more opportunities this year. He caught just 42 percent of his targets as a rookie, which came out to an underwhelming 16 catches, 217 yards, and one touchdown for the second-round pick. If his preseason performance can translate to the regular season, then his first-year struggles will soon be nothing but a distant memory. — Hardy

The Saints drafted Davenport because of his outrageous physical talent, even if he was very green. He’s just 23 and now that he’s been in the league for over a year, it’s time to watch that potential get unleashed. — Stites

Ryan Fitzpatrick, Dolphins — Charles McDonald
Case Keenum, Washington — Christian D’Andrea
Case Keenum, Washington — James Brady
Case Keenum, Washington — Adam Stites

Have you seen that Dolphins’ offensive line? This isn’t even a real indictment of Fitzpatrick — no quarterback would stand a chance behind that line. Unfortunately, poor production will likely lead to him being benched. — McDonald

Jay Gruden may be staring down a situation where the only way to keep his job is to prove he can develop Dwayne Haskins into Washington’s next franchise passer. If Keenum gets off to a slow start — and he did last year with the Broncos — he could be in for a quick hook. — D’Andrea

Chicago Bears — Charles McDonald
Indianapolis Colts — Christian D’Andrea
Houston Texans — James Brady
New Orleans Saints — Adam Stites

The Bears’ defense is still one of the best units in the league, but expecting them to replicate their 2018 production is unreasonable. They’re going to need third-year quarterback Mitchell Trubisky to finally start looking like the elite passer he was drafted to be, which might be too tall of a task for him right now. — McDonald

Sorry, Jacoby Brissett. — D’Andrea

The Patriots steal Michael Bennett from the Eagles for a swap of Day 3 picks — Christian D’Andrea
The Dolphins trading Laremy Tunsil to the Texans for two first-round picks — Charles McDonald
The Browns landing Odell Beckham Jr. because the Giants are weird — Sarah Hardy
The Browns landing Odell Beckham Jr. because the Giants are weird — James Brady
The Steelers sending Antonio Brown to the Raiders — Adam Stites

New England desperately needed to punch up its pass rush after losing Trey Flowers in free agency. Enter Bennett, whose versatility and veteran gravitas give him the chops to play anywhere along Bill Belichick’s defensive line. — D’Andrea

Miami did exactly what every rebuilding team should do: acquire future assets. The Dolphins won’t be in playoff contention at all, but their 2020 offseason should be exciting with their own top-five pick and a potential top-20 pick from Houston. — McDonald

It’s too early to tell if Dave Gettleman was right all along about Daniel Jones. I refuse for him to be right about OBJ, though. — Hardy

Brown’s bizarre 2019 hasn’t stopped being bizarre. He spent August dealing with frostbitten feet, a gripe about his helmet, and has already accrued over $50,000 in fines from the Raiders for absences. It’s definitely possible he’ll make up for all that by being the same dynamic playmaker he was in Pittsburgh. But until that happens, the Steelers are looking smarter every day. — Stites

Ben Burr-Kirven, Seahawks — Christian D’Andrea
Lamont Gaillard, Cardinals — Charles McDonald
Byron Cowart, Patriots — Adam Stites

Burr-Kirven was a fifth-round pick who had to fight his way onto the Seattle roster this summer, but he should have plenty of opportunity to stand out in a defense in desperate need of linebacker depth. While his measurables are unimpressive — he’s small at 6’0 and 230 pounds and not overly athletic — he’s a tackling machine who finished his college career with 176 tackles as a senior. He’ll find a way to contribute for Pete Carroll. — D’Andrea

The Cardinals will be rebuilding their offensive line over the next few seasons, but they might already have a keeper in sixth-round center Lamont Gaillard. Gaillard anchored dominant rushing attacks over the last few years for the Georgia Bulldogs and even performed well against Quinnen Williams in the SEC Championship Game last year. Gaillard won’t be enough to overturn the Cardinals’ offensive line woes by himself, but he’s a nice start. — McDonald

Once upon a time, Cowart was the top high school recruit in the nation. It didn’t translate to much success at Auburn. But the Patriots took a fifth-round flier on the defensive lineman and saw early signs that it was a good call when he folded the Titans’ Rodger Saffold like a lawn chair. New England loves to keep its defensive linemen in rotation, so Cowart will get chances to show that same explosion in the regular season. — Stites

Miami Dolphins — Sarah Hardy
Miami Dolphins — Christian D’Andrea
Miami Dolphins — James Brady
Miami Dolphins — Adam Stites

I mean ... they’re pretty clearly trying to get the No. 1 pick. — Stites