Here’s why everyone is talking about Mike Vrabel’s penis

The Kansas City Chiefs crushed the Tennessee Titans’ Super Bowl hopes on Sunday with their 35-24 win in the AFC Championship. Now we have to turn the conversation to Mike Vrabel’s genitalia. If you’re confused by that, well, here’s why.

Vrabel made headlines this offseason when he claimed he would sacrifice his package if it meant winning the Super Bowl.

No, really. Vrabel appeared on the Bussin’ with the Boys podcast, on which Titans offensive lineman Taylor Lewan is a host. Lewan asked Vrabel if he would give up his junk for a Super Bowl and the second-year Titans coach — who won three Super Bowls as a player, but none as a coach — responded in the affirmative. He also noted that he’s been married for 20 years, which contributed to the decision. The full quote was transcribed by Paul Kuharsky here, and you can see it below:

Lewan: Matt Neely (an assistant for the show) said he would cut off his dick for a, uno, Super Bowl, and I said, No I would not do that. Would you cut your dick off for a Super Bowl?

Vrabel: Been married 20 years. Yeah, probably.

Lewan: You’ve got three?!

Vrabel: As a player.... You guys will be married for 20 years one day. You won’t need it.

Lewan: If you come home with a bag of ice, and Jen is like ‘Oh honey what did you do.’ I cut …my dick off, we’re gonna win a Super Bowl, she’d be like “eh,” or would she be upset?

Vrabel: She’d be like do you want me to do it? Do you want to do it now?

Vrabel’s wife did indeed offer to help and confirmed as much on Twitter:

Lewan also greeted Vrabel after the game and referenced the situation, telling him that “that piece is coming off.” I cannot make this stuff up.

Now, it’s certainly worth noting that Vrabel said he would do it if it meant his team would win, not that he would do it if his team won. But still, he did offer one (1) dick in exchange for one (1) Super Bowl win, so there’s that.

That DOES invite the possibility that he’s already ... you know, cut it off. He might have already made the deal with the devil (or whoever it is you do these kinds of deals with).

Here’s the thing (no, not that thing): the Titans were just one win away from playing in the Super Bowl. When Vrabel first gave us this quote, Marcus Mariota was his starting quarterback and Tennessee had 60/1 odds to make the Super Bowl, per Draft Kings.

Ryan Tannehill, Derrick Henry, and a stout defense led them to postseason wins over Tom Brady’s Patriots and Lamar Jackson’s Ravens. They hung tough early against the Chiefs, but Kansas City was just too much for them.

For now, it appears as though no one will be calling for Vrabel’s ... head this season. As long as Vrabel’s teams make the postseason though, we’ll indubitably be discussing this offer he agreed to.