The Titans beating the Patriots proves the NFL is just Greek mythology

For much of the last decade the world was locked in a seemingly-endless streak of pain in which either Alabama would win the National Championship, or the Patriots would win the Super Bowl.

A few weeks ago I wrote about this phenomenon, and explained how Alabama being eliminated left the door open for the Patriots to go back-to-back, upsetting the balance of the universe and throwing the world into chaos. Now the Titans of Tennessee have felled the Patriots, keeping the balance of the streak intact. Sure, Alabama won’t win — but having neither win pushes back the doomsday clock at least a few more years until we can better prepare ourselves for the next God.

The nature of human existence is cyclical. We continue to make the same mistakes, triumph similar issues and struggle just like those who have come before us. However, what if this can also be applied to the mythological world?

Greek mythology tells us that the Titans, pre-Olympian gods, overthrew their parents and ruled until a wider pantheon took their place. If we take Uranus to be the Patriots, and Gaia to be Alabama this all starts to make more sense. The two ruled the land and sent their children into the world. In modern times we’ve come to interpret these as “coaching trees,” and now as a result their offspring are trying to dominate all levels of football.

Between Belichick and Saban there are eight NFL head coaches and 12 NCAA Division 1 head coaches who were employed in 2019. Their influence is profound, or prolific. Now their children are rising up against them. The first of which, quite literally were the Titans.

Mike Vrabel played under Belichick, while not a part of his tree per se, there’s no question he was a “child” of Belichick. On Saturday night he defeated the father at his own game, not only leading to a playoff exit for New England, but a potential collapse of the entire organization. This was his final stab, a way to overthrow and Derrick Henry was his weapon of choice, and while Uranus was ovethrown by being castrated and his testicles thrown in the sea ... well, Vrabel didn’t need to be so violent. Or maybe he did. Maybe he castrated Belichick on Saturday night. I don’t know. This is getting too weird, so let’s move on.

This brings us to Saban, the personification of Gaia and where this will go next. Considering the past can predict our future we know where this is going. Vrabel, the leader of the Titans will ascend soon and rule the NFL. That is, until Saban intervenes.

Saban will soon help someone from Vrabel’s coaching staff, and replace them with a literal rock who will stand on the sideline and do nothing. The coach Saban savers will be the next to rule over the NFL for its foreseeable future in the role of Zeus. It has been foretold.

Mark my words.