Every year we’re blessed with a new version of Bill Belichick in Madden, but this year’s is something incredible.
Bill Belichick in ‘Madden 24’ looks like he owns a fedora collection
Play action pass, m’lady
Belichick is not a member of the NFL Coaches Union, which means EA Sports would need to negotiate separately with Belichick to use his likeness, something they’ve never done — furthermore I can’t imagine what it be like to call Bill and ask him about this. He’d probably throw the phone and scream a whole lot.
This year we got “Peter Gaffney,” an amazing bearded chap who has no resemblance to the Patriots coach at all. He does look like these people, however:
- He looks like the ghost of Matt Patricia still haunting the Gillette Stadium halls.
- He looks like a retired Jon Dowd
- He looks like Big Al from Toy Story 2
- He looks like he has a Twitter, but doesn’t have his name on it, and he comments under women’s sports posts with “not a real sport”.
- He looks like someone who is absolutely not drinking any merlot with those people.
- He looks like if you took all the joy away from Peter Griffin.
- He looks like he goes to Mexican restaurants and intentionally mispronounces words. It’s “pollo”, not “polo”.
- He looks like a character named “IT Guy No. 2” in a made-for-TV murder mystery.
- He looks like what you get when you ask AI to draw a random offensive line coach.
- He definitely does swim moves on random furniture in his house.
- He looks like the long-lost brother of “Comic Book Guy,” who owns a board game store in Shelbyville.
- He looks like he’s an absolute menace at your local anime conventions.
- He looks like he has an elaborate fedora collection
- This man absolutely says ‘m’lady’ a whole bunch
- This is Louis C.K’s Tinder profile
- He looks like he judges people who don’t think “Pulp Fiction” is the greatest movie of all time.
- This is the bouncer at a Jason Aldean concert
- He absolutely has his cell phone in a holder clipped to his belt
- He looks like what you’d get if you ordered Brian Daboll on Wish.
- This man is roaming the fastener aisle of Home Depot refusing to ask for help
- He owns a riding mower that he has been arrested for driving on the highway
- He really wants you to join his Everquest guild
- He molds and paints his own Warhammer models (which I 100% respect him for)
- He looks like he can recite the entire opening crawl of “The Empire Strikes Back” on memory
- He looks like the best thing Madden has added to the game in about 15 years.
- “Peter Gaffney, age 67 has been arrested for exposing himself in the parking lot of a Chuck-E-Cheese”
- He looks like Stanley Tucci preparing for a film role as an NFL coach.
- He looks like a substitute teacher at Hogwarts who teaches Defense Against the Dark Arithmetic.
- “Three things can happen when you throw the ball and two of them are bad,” is a thing he’s muttered to himself watching Mac Jones throw an interception.
- Peter Gaffney believes in “three yards and a cloud of dust,” and punting on third down “to set a tone.”
- He looks like he punts on 4th-and-2 against the Colts.
- This man played OG in high school and tells EVERYONE the story about when they won state (they never won state)
- Pete Gaffney collects POGs
- This man still pees in the pool
- He definitely won first place in a Mr. Peanut lookalike contest
- He’s been divorced three times, remarried again, and still looks up his exes on Facebook
- Pete Gaffney owns a Utilikilt
- Pete Gaffney has been banned from RenFaire
- Pete Gaffney owns a two-handed longsword and has been arrested for using it at his nephew’s 6th birthday party. The children were terrified.
- Frank Gadney, however, has not been banned from RenFaire. Looks a lot like this man, however...
- Pete Gaffney doesn’t listen to music that was released post-Party Rock Anthem.
- Pete Gaffney might not be a good coach. However, he looks like he can grill the HELL out of some barbecue.
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