Let’s debunk the viral video of a USA hockey fan peeing on a Russian jersey

The IIHF World Championships ended this weekend in Russia. The United States lost to the host country in an embarrassing 7-2 loss in the consolation round. That should be a big story.

But now this video is making the rounds, determined to become the narrative.

Puck Daddy discovered this viral video, which was uploaded by someone named Scott Edwards over the weekend. It allegedly shows a USA hockey fan stripping off his shirt and then urinating on Pavel Datsyuk’s jersey in the Russia locker room.

This makes USA fans look terrible. But it can’t be real. We refuse to believe it based on some pretty obvious evidence.

If you’re questioning whether that’s actually Russia’s locker room, stop. The IIHF posted a video tour of Russia’s locker room, and it matches perfectly with the one in the urine video.

But that only makes this whole thing even more unlikely. How on earth would two random fans get past security into the home country’s locker room? The whole room is set up as it would be before a game. And you’re telling us nobody was in there to keep people out? Nope. Not buying it.

He’s overweight. He has a fan sticking out of his butt crack. His pants are falling off. He has Uncle Sam painted on his belly. When it jiggles it looks like Sam is talking. And he disrespects Russia in the most juvenile of ways.

This is a character. WAKE UP, SHEEPLE.

Matt Hendricks has played for Team USA twice. In 2015, he wore this jersey:

And this year, this was his jersey:

Oh, look. They’re exactly the same. And look nothing like this:

And he never wears #26. HMMMMM.

OK, maybe it’s NOT Russian. I don’t know. But if you played that music to any American, they’d probably think it sounded stereotypically Russian. The kind you hear in a countryside tavern outside Moscow as lots of bearded men in fur coats and hats play the accordions, cross their arms and kick out their legs in dance. Look, we can do stereotypes too! Let’s stop this. Stereotypes suck.

Let’s be honest. Whoever made this should’ve used this song to complete the stereotype circle.

It’s so obvious the narration isn’t live. Listen to this:

When America Man speaks or moves the skates, there’s a clear echo across the empty locker room. When Narrator Man speaks, there’s no echo. It’s clear as day. Almost as if he was in a recording studio somewhere ...

So you’re telling me they could afford a recording studio but not a smaller number size?

Near the end of the video, the camera zooms in on the “urination.” When dudes pee, there’s a splash radius. It goes everywhere if not contained by a fixed, voluminous retrieval spheroid. (Commonly known as a toilet.) You’d be able to tell if he was actually peeing on the jersey by the sound, dark color of the jersey and so many other signs. Just in case I’m wrong, I won’t post a screenshot.

Go to the end of the video. Look. Listen. There are no signs. The splash radius is nonexistent. The urination did not occur.

Easy. It was [redacted]. It has to be. [redacted] is clearly behind all of this, and it’s all part of a campaign to [redacted] the [redacted] before the [redacted] is revealed to the world. But [redacted] cannot keep us quiet. Join me, and togeth--