Novara Vs. Napoli, 2011 Serie A: A Halftime List Of Who Walter Mazzarri Wants To Assault
- Andrea Dossena. Who is he crossing to? Invisible teammates? His imaginary childhood striker friend?
- Goran Pandev: You're given a start. You're not going to get anymore if you don't actually shoot the ball. Also, stop taking crossing lessons from Dossena.
- Gokhan Inler: Dude, man up already. Hurting ribs? Puking up your breakfast?
- Paolo Cannavaro: Oi, Capitano -- back-passes go to Morgan Di Sanctis, not out of bounds.
- Attilio Tesser: What a ridiculous scarf to be wearing on the sidelines. Who do you think you are, Roberto Mancini?
- Salvatore Aronica: Shampoo was invented for a reason.
- Samir Ujkani: Oh, sure, now you come up with some amazing saves. Where was that against Lazio, huh?
- Andrea De Marco: Napoli are in the Champions League. That means they're entitled to some dubious penalty awards. Never mind that they've rarely been in the Novara box.
- Blerim Dzemaili: Don't shoot.
- Edinson Cavani: Or the person who's pretending to be Eddy.
- Napoli Supporters: Why are 3500 of you so dumb as to have traveled to Novara when you know the best result will be a draw?
Mazzarri will officially excuse De Sanctis from this list, but no one else on Napoli will be getting anything but coal in their Christmas stockings.
*By “slap” and “assault” I clearly mean who Mazzarri wishes to give a firm talking to while sipping a whisky and sucking down a few cigarettes.
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