Brazil FA President Ricardo Teixeira Vows To Make England “Lives Hell”

Apparently world football just hasn’t been strange and hilarious enough lately. FIFA has yet to reveal anything ridiculous and new lately so Brazil Football Confederation president and FIFA executive committee member Ricardo Teixeira was kind enough to grace us with some entertainment, telling reporters that the British are “pirates” and vowing to “make their lives hell.”

This isn’t some run of the mill FIFA member either. He has been pegged by some to be a successor to Sepp Blatter as FIFA president, is the son-in-law of former FIFA president Joao Havelange and is head of the 2014 World Cup organizing committee. Clearly he is well placed and must have inside information of when we need to be entertained.

“The islanders [Britain] are the pirates of the world,” said Teixeira. “I’m going to make their lives hell. While I’m at the CBF, at FIFA, they won’t get past the door.”

Apparently Teixeira thinks that England are spoil sports after losing out on their bid to host the 2018 World Cup and are trying to convince FIFA that Brazil won’t be ready to host in 2014 so they should let England host instead. Last year Teixeira was investigated by FIFA for a number of corruption accusations, but he was cleared. England probably conspired against him then too.

Now Texiera will make them pay. Maybe he’ll switch the decaf coffee to caffeinated. He might even jump out from around a corner with a scary mask on and scare Fabio Capello. Who knows. He could even order an air strike on England. Those awful English pirates wouldn’t be able to handle such advanced warfare. That Teixeira is a clever one.