French Ligue 1 2011, Week 8 Preview And Fixtures: Montpellier-PSG The Highlight Of A Busy Weekend

I could have sworn we just did this like three days ago. At least PSG are playing a good team and might embarrass themselves again. That’s always nice.

17:00 CET/1:00 PM EST

These two teams had very different weeks; while Évian was busy playing slumpbuster to Marseille, Caen shocked Lyon and continue to show that they’re very much an improved side. What’s going to be interesting to watch is that while Caen has only drawn once this season, Évian have drawn four times and I am curious as to whether they are using witchcraft to control the flight of the ball and influence results. If they are they’re probably just trying to be responsible by only using it to pick up draws instead of wins; that witchcraft is powerful stuff and you don’t wanna make the spirits angry by abusing your powers. Smart thinking.

Pick: Caen, 1-0

17:00 CET/1:00 PM EST

Lille: 3-3-1, 12 points, 12 GS, 9 GA, +3

Lorient: 3-3-1, 12 points, 9GS, 6 GA, +3

Clearly the most likely outcome is a 3 to -3 draw.

Pick: Lille, 2-1

17:00 CET/1:00 PM EST

Lyon lost to Caen mid-week, and though that’s perhaps less shameful than it might have been earlier in the season they still ought to feel VERY VERY BAD AND ASHAMED OF THEMSELVES. Bordeaux drew at home to Lille and while that’s something they should probably feel good about the reality is they can’t really be all that proud of anything they do until they stop being mind-numbingly dull.

Pick: Lyon, 2-0

17:00 CET/1:00 PM EST

Look, I know it’s just seven games in but if your total number of goals scored is lower than your negative goal differential after the first week of the season you shouldn’t be allowed in the top half. Sorry Dijon, we know you’ve got nine points but you score less than once a game and your defense is terrible. You aren’t even allowed this small, meaningless thrill.

Pick: Nice, 1-0

17:00 CET/1:00 PM EST

At their current pace, Nancy will score 27 goals this season. Which is shockingly terrible and I’d say there’s no way they can possibly keep it up, until I remember that Arles scored 20 goals last season. So yes Nancy supporters, there is a chance! Because there’s no such thing as bad infamy, right? Oh wait no, that’s not right at all. For the love of God Nancy score some freaking goals. Maybe Rennes can lend you some.

Pick: Toulouse, 3-0

17:00 CET/1:00 PM EST

Marseille won a game! Hooray! They’re gonna’ win another because Valenciennes is terrible! Hooraaaaaay!

Pick: Marseille, 2-0

19:00 CET/3:00 PM EST

PSG is at that really funny stage that all of these bought-as-living-video-game teams go through, where Manchester City was two years ago for example; lots of talent, very high expectations, still capable of looking ridiculous. Kind of like a 14 year old kid after a huge growth spurt, capable of killing you in your sleep with their bare hands if they wanted but also completely incapable of tying their shoes without falling over because they don’t know how to handle their massive limbs. As for Montpellier, I am convinced they underwent some manner of super secret 1950s comic book radiation treatment over the summer.

Pick: Draw, 2-2

15:00 CET/11:00 AM EST

Sochaux’s defense has been teetering on the edge all season, but against Rennes on Wednesday they finally fell off a cliff and into Clownshoes Canyon. It happened at home too, which is a pretty serious bummer. They’ll probably rebound and pick up a point though, because all Auxerre does is draw. (Which, incidentally, is a hidden track on a bootleg club remix version of DJ Khaled’s Victory. It’s an awful song.)

Pick: Auxerre, 2-1

15:00 CET/11:00 AM EST

Brest still hasn’t won a game. Probably has something to do with the fact that they score goals about as often as the Principality of Sealand’s National Football team (which is actually a thing that exists, by the way.) Ajaccio Doesn’t do a whole lot better where goals are concerned but their defense is somehow worse than Brest’s attacking play. I don’t know exactly how this one is going to end, but I would imagine tears will be involved.

Pick: Brest, 2-0

19:00 CET/3:00 PM EST

Take a bow, Rennes; six goals away from home against a pretty decent Sochaux side. Not a bad night’s work. And truth be told, St. Étienne is not as good as Sochaux and this game is taking place Stade de la Route de Lorient. All the ingredients for another gaudy total are there. Except for the fact that teams almost never score six goals (especially teams in Ligue 1) and that’s probably not going to happen.

Pick: Rennes, 3-1