Ligue 1 2012, Week 33 Preview And Fixtures: The Relegation Battle Takes Center Stage Because The Entire League Is Involved

Saturday April 20^th; 7:00 PM CET/1:00 PM ET

Hey look, it’s the opposite-day derby! Relegation and/or European glory is right around the corner! How exciting! Except of course for the teams involved. (Note: this joke would have worked better if Toulouse were involved.)

Pick: Rennes, 2-1

Saturday April 20^th; 7:00 PM CET/1:00 PM ET

It’s tempting to just glance at the table and say that with Caen in 15^th and St. Etienne in 7^th that this game isn’t all that important. And then you look at the points and remember that Ligue 1 is absolutely, certifiably insane and Caen will probably win the league with St. Etienne in Championnat National somehow.

Pick: St. Etienne, 3-1

Saturday April 20^th; 7:00 PM CET/1:00 PM ET

Lille making the Champions League this season (which they probably will! Amazing!) is like a UPS driver* missing his turn into shipping/receiving and ending up on the final straightaway at Le Mans and winning because all of the other cars blew up.

Pick: Lille, 2-1

*I have no idea whether or not they have UPS in France.

Saturday April 20^th; 7:00 PM CET/1:00 PM ET

Considering the root similarities between French and English, it’s a bit of a surprise to discover that Toulouse is French for Rangers*.

Pick: Toulouse, 1-0

*The full translation is actually “Rangers’ second cousin that learned how to balance a checkbook, but same difference.”

Saturday April 20^th; 7:00 PM CET/1:00 PM ET

With Montpellier’s ridiculously fun attack garnering most of the coverage, it’s easy to forget how good their defense has been this season. But it’s been really, really good. If René Girard can manage to keep this team together, someone is going to get a nasty little surprise come Champions League time.

Pick: Montpellier, 3-1

Saturday April 20^th; 7:00 PM CET/1:00 PM ET

Auxerre isn’t climbing out of this hole. Auxerre is getting relegated. In one of the least predictable, craziest leagues in Europe, this is a legitimate shock. I’ve just typed those last two sentences and I still can’t quite believe it.

Pick: Nice, 2-1

Saturday April 20^th; 9:00 PM CET/3:00 PM ET

It’s nice of the FFF to arrange this special, late-season “You Ought To Be Ashamed Of Yourself Cup” competition.

Pick: Draw, 2-2

Sunday April 21^st; 5:00 PM CET/11:00 AM ET

Wait, Nancy is 11^th? What? It looks like bond auctions aren’t the only thing that’s hard to predict in this crazy country! LOL!

Pick: Ajaccio, 2-1

Sunday April 21^st; 5:00 PM CET/11:00 AM ET

PSG has pretty much no excuse for this season. Good thing they sacked an honest-to-god club legend and an incredibly promising manager just beginning to come into his own for a low-rent Gallic Jose Mourinho imitator.

Pick: PSG, 1-0

Sunday April 21^st; 9:15 PM CET/3:15 PM ET

No matter what, this game is probably going to be super disappointing for someone.

Pick: Draw, 2-2