Ligue 1 2012, Week 31 Preview And Fixtures: PSG Hosts Marseille In A Nominally Important Headliner
In terms of games that actually matter, St. Etienne continues their push for 3rd while Ajaccio clings to safety and Montpellier hope to extend their lead after hosting a woefully disappointing Sochaux.
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Saturday 4/6; 19:00 CET; 1:00 PM ET
This game is a black hole that will eat goals, but the event horizon is going to look just a little bit like Camp Nou.
Pick: St. Etiene, 1-0
Brest vs. Lille
Saturday 4/6; 19:00 CET; 1:00 PM ET
If this match were a game show it would be called Draw, Draw or Draw. And then it would be cancelled, because it would be a really bad game show.
Pick: Draw, 2-2
Dijon vs. Nancy
Saturday 4/6; 19:00 CET; 1:00 PM ET
Goals?
*looks skyward, shakes head*
No goals.
This is a reference to the movie 30 Days of Night, which no one saw, at least while they were sober.
Pick: Draw, 0-0
Evian vs. Rennes
Saturday 4/6; 19:00 CET; 1:00 PM ET
Evian is so much fun. I wish they could make it to Europe, because they’d probably shock the hell out of some really good teams. Not enough to beat anyone eye-opening, but they’d give a scare and maybe catch a big-three side with their pants down in Europa. Rennes is better though, and in a total killjoy sort of way.
Pick: Rennes, 3-2
Montpellier vs. Sochaux
Saturday 4/6; 19:00 CET; 1:00 PM ET
Oh my god oh my god oh my god don’t mess up oh my god oh my god oh my god.
Pick: Montpellier, 3-1
Valenciennes vs. Toulouse
Saturday 4/6; 19:00 CET; 1:00 PM ET
Midfield battle blah blah blah a goal prevented is as good as a goal scored blah blah blah draw a bath and get me a toaster blah blah blah.
Pick: Toulouse, 1-0
Lyon vs. Auxerre
Saturday 4/6; 21:00 CET; 3:00 PM ET
Dear Auxerre,
You are going to be relegated. It is going to be totally humiliating. You should probably hire a really famous but barely relevant manager that also happens to be an unappreciated genius, like, tomorrow.
Sincerely,
The Snickering Hordes
Caen vs. Bordeaux
Sunday 4/7; 17:00 CET; 11:00 AM ET
Caen finally managed to slip into the relegation zone. If you don’t find that sad, you’re either pragmatic to a fault or you’re a total doucheballoon.
Pick: Bordeaux, 2-1
Nice vs. Lorient
Saturday 4/7; 17:00 CET; 11:00 AM ET
These are the games that people watch where they hear the commentators talking about “tactics” with a sneer in their voice and never want to see anything but 4-2-4 ever agin because they’ve been so woefully misled.
Pick: Draw, 1-1
PSG vs. Marseille
Saturday 4/6; 21:00 CET; 3:00 PM ET
This game would have been so promising two months ago. Now, unless you’re a massive French football fan with an unhealthy appreciation for tradition, it looks like a big steaming pile of garbage. Have fun.
Pick: PSG, 1-0
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