Real Madrid rumored to be dressing like Kermit the Frog today

WAIT, ALL GREEN KITS?

Rumor has it that Real Madrid will be sporting their all green third kit today against Manchester United. Give me a moment while I go throw up behind a dumpster.

Apparently someone in the Real Madrid merhandising department (or perhaps someone at adidas) realized that the sales numbers on Madrid’s third jerseys aren’t doing very well and came up with what they thought was a genius idea.

Let’s have Madrid play the biggest match of their season up to this point in their hideously un-Madrid green kits. Forget that their most commonly used nickname is “Los Blancos” or “Los Meringues”, we need to sell some jerseys because the warehouse is full of these green things.

Note: In case you’re wondering a meringue is a dessert made from whipped egg whites and sugar...it’s also the color white (if white is a color since I think it’s more of absence of color than an actual color).

Gee, I wonder why.

I like the color green as much as the next guy, especially being a ginger since green is a color that compliments my pale skin quite nicely. However, when it comes to watching Real Madrid I want to see to the all white kit, the classic Madrid look. Especially when they’re playing a team that will be sporting red jerseys.

IT’S GONNA LOOK LIKE CHRISTMAS JUST THREW UP ALL OVER A SOCCER MATCH PEOPLE.

If this rumor turns out to be true there’s a really good chance that neutrals will be swayed into supporting United simply because the very idea of Madrid wearing green is offensive. This isn’t a good thing. I want my Madrid vs. Bayern final because that would be awesome and awesome things are good.

Even Kermit the Frog would be ticked off about these jerseys. Trust me, he would. Because Kermit knows that it ain’t easy being green and Madrid has a big enough challenge ahead of them today without being burdened by these offensive kits.

Want a better reason?

The last time Real Madrid wore those green monstrosities, they suffered a humiliating and title hope crushing loss against Malaga. Is that the kind of result you want to be hearkening back to at this moment?

If you still think these kits are ok and that Madrid wearing them today is a good idea, you’re clearly a communist...or at the very least you’re the type of person that thinks the Geneva Conventions are a bad idea. These kits violate the Geneva Conventions. Look it up on Wikipedia, it’s in there...in the really fine print somewhere at the bottom.

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