FIFA Ballon d’Or 2013: Cristiano Ronaldo captures the big prize

Even if one were to put extraordinary weight on the efficiency with which Messi scored -- he took far fewer shots than Ronaldo -- or the defensive work that Ribery did for world champions Bayern Munich, it was still nearly impossible to make an argument that either should have won the Ballon d’Or over Ronaldo.

So when Pele read Ronaldo’s name as the winner of the award, it was entirely predictable. It was also entirely deserved.

The FIFPro World XI doesn’t have any hyper-athletic or defensive-minded midfielders because everyone knows that they’re not actually people. They’re robots. They take the joy out of football by crushing players who actually do things. Boo robots!