Things that have happened since Aston Villa last scored a goal

Aston Villa last scored a goal on September 13, meaning they have not scored for five matches. That is not good.

• Watford and Leeds have combined to have five managers.
• Asamoah Gyan held a press conference to deny that he killed a rapper who had gone missing as part of a human sacrifice.
• Thousands of puppies were born.
• You told your friends how much you hated Taylor Swift's "Shake It Off" while humming it.
• Erik Lamela scored the a 20-yard rabona, which was previously thought impossible. Probably.
• Two men hopped the White House fence and ran across the lawn, the second of whom was caught by dogs.
• Good dogs.
• A club started growing their grass using marijuana lamps.
• Apple reminded everyone that U2 exists by forcibly putting their album on your iPhone.
• Faustino Asprilla started a flavored condom line and taught us all that guava is "very good for romancing."
• Jennifer Lopez and Iggy Azalea made an entire song and video dedicated to their behinds.
• Lionel Messi scored the 400th goal of his career (and then more).
• Uncle Rico became an NFL quarterback.
• Uncle Rico died.
• An Arsene Wenger cake tried to eat you.
• Run the Jewels 2 dropped.
• Lots of people ate lots of pie that you could have eaten but didn't.
• Goalkeepers started peeing next to their goal.
  
• Honey Boo Boo was canceled.
• Scotland chose not to become an independent country.
• DeAndre Yedlin broke the sound barrier.
• You read 22 randomly selected things that have happened in the last 45 days and really need to get a hobby.