USA vs. Portugal, 2014 World Cup: USMNT stunned by late equalizer

”Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.“How you feel this morning about losing a draw to Portugal last night probably depends on how you feel about the inevitable ice weaseling that comes with love. (It was that bad, at least bad enough to resort to Life In Hell-era Matt Groening quotes.)

From one perspective, the United States lost a win last night, coughing up a late goal off a schoolboy blunder in the final splinters of a match the USMNT had won via a courageous comeback. Soccer and hockey both call this bug a feature: the capacity to hide hot, venomous, and sudden death in the midst of a seemingly harmless flow of events. One minute you’re on the snowmobile; the next, the snick-snicking of weaselly teeth clicking hungrily in the frozen night.

As the clock hit 94 minutes, thousands in the crowd at Chicago’s Grant Park began to take out their phones, hoping to record history and the euphoria of an incredible come-from-behind win over Portugal.

Most in the crowd, including me, probably missed the United States’ giveaway and the Portugal run that followed. Most of us were waiting for that final whistle to sound, having nearly made it through the five minutes of stoppage time that led to a collective groan from the tens of thousands of people in attendance.

The tie between USA and Portugal couldn’t have been more dramatic if it was a Hollywood screenplay. Here’s a Twitter heat map that perfectly encapsulates the nation’s feelings when Clint Dempsey allowed the USMNT to pull ahead, then see their hopes for a win dashed in the final minute.

Hopefully we’ll see this again on Thursday. Even another tie will allow USA to move on.

‘Heartbreaking’ is an overused term in sports, because awful sport occurrences aren’t usually equatable with the end of relationships or the loss of loved ones. If you started to tell someone about how heartbreaking it was to break up with your significant other and they responded with “I know how you feel, I just watched the Yankees blow a lead in the 9th inning last night,” you would punch them in the face, because anyone who has their heart broken by June baseball is a dickhead.

Sunday’s game was anything but.

Let’s just hope the United States make life easy for themselves and FIFA.

Believe it or not there’s another game on Sunday when the Texas Rangers and Los Angeles Angels hit the field in the MLB. Naturally Kole Calhoun was watching like the rest of us and his reaction to the end of USA vs. Portugal says it all really.

Keep your chin up, buddy.

In the 16th minute, starting striker Hélder Postiga was forced off after injuring his hamstring. 26-year-old Braga forward Éder took his place.

As the half continued, the U.S. began to look more confident. Clint Dempsey just missed on a free kick in the 14th minute, pushing it just over the crossbar. Michael Bradley came close twice, first in the 23rd minute when his shot from distance went a bit wide, then in the 29th minute when a low shot from outside the box rolled just wide of the far post.

Gut punch.

Who can beat the USMNT with Teddy Roosevelt on their side?

This is the real Captain America, and don’t you forget it.

Also, crotch goal!

Nobody said making a good sign was easy, especially for an emotional game like USA vs. Portugal. These fans of the USMNT decided to show they were hip with the modern world by making fun of Cristiano Ronaldo AND proving they were down with grumpy cat.

Anything would have been better than this, literally anything.

First, Tim Howard makes a really, really horrible error. Then, he kind of scrambles backwards and makes this absolutely absurd save.

Okay, he shouldn’t have needed to make that save in the first place. He only had to do that because he messed up so badly. But shhhhhhh, TIM HOWARD.

Fans of various teams have been doing the “I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN” chant for about 10 years, but for whatever reason (probably because it’s awesome and great) it’s exploded amongst USA fans during the 2014 World Cup. ESPN pieced together this spectacular video of American fans across the country and in Brazil starting, building and chanting in unison:

Match Date/Time: 23rd June, 6 p.m. ET

Venue: Arena Amazonia, Manaus