The Premier League is back, our long global nightmare is over and we can watch the highest level of club football on our glowing picture boxes again. We know you’re going to be overwhelmed by the beauty of what you see, so go ahead and weep into your coffee on Saturday. We’re not judging you.
Premier League preview, Week 1: Manchester United, Liverpool in the spotlight
Welcome back, Premier League! Whether you roll out of bed before 8 a.m. to catch it on your TV or travel to the ground, be thankful you know what to do on Saturdays again.
Saturday, 7:45 a.m. ET/13:45 GMT
TV: NBC Sports Network (U.S.), BT Sport 1 (U.K.), Sportsnet regional networks (Canada)
Unless the preseason was one big, long, rolling joke, Manchester United are going to line up in this match like we've never seen them before. They appear to be rolling with a 3-4-1-2 formation, which seems like a pretty good way to get the most out of Robin van Persie, Wayne Rooney and Juan Mata. Also, Luke Shaw is out and Daley Blind hasn't been signed yet, so Ashley Young might play left wingback. That's reason enough to watch this game.
Swansea are probably going to look quite a bit different than they did last year as well. They’ve been surprisingly active in the transfer market, bringing in a half-dozen senior players and getting rid of just as many. In a match between two totally overhauled teams with new(ish) manager, picking the team with better players to win is usually a pretty safe bet.
Pick: 3-1, United
Saturday, 10 a.m. ET/15:00 GMT
TV: NBC Sports Network (U.S.), TSN (Canada)
Having to face off against Everton is kind of a rude welcome to the Premier League for Leicester. They have the talent to stay up, but it'll likely take them some time to adjust to the pace of the league. However, if you've never seen Anthony Knockaert, you're in for a treat. He'll get his one jaw-dropping moment in, even if it doesn't result in a goal.
Pick: 2-0, Everton
QPR vs. Hull City
Saturday, 10 a.m. ET/15:00 GMT
This is definitely the least sexy matchup of the round and there’s little chance it turns into the fun kind of low-quality match with lots of goals. Dueling 3-5-2s should cancel each other out and everyone will be board.
Pick: 0-0 draw
Saturday, 10 a.m. ET/15:00 GMT
Everyone’s favorite wonderkid burnout Bojan Krkic is getting a second chance at a life as a footballer at the highest level. Finally, this season will produce an answer to the age-old question: Can Lionel Messi get it done on a rainy Tuesday in Stoke? Because if Bojan can, the answer is obviously yes.
Aston Villa, meanwhile, are probably going to be bad as long as Christian Benteke is injured. He'll be a hero once he pulls them out of whatever hole they end up in, and the digging of that hole probably starts on Saturday.
Pick: 2-0, Stoke City
Saturday, 10 a.m. ET/15:00 GMT
This could be similar to the QPR and Hull match, with two relatively dull teams canceling each other out, but no one seems to have any idea what to expect from new WBA boss Alan Irvine. The former Everton youth manager has been either unjustly sacked or forced to deal with a horrible financial situation in his previous two jobs, but it's certainly not a good sign that Tim Sherwood was a preferred candidate.
Sunderland, meanwhile, have a pretty crappy squad and are struggling to convince people who they want to spend huge sums of money on to join their team. It’s probably going to be a long season for both of these teams.
Pick: 1-1 draw
Saturday, 10 a.m. ET/15:00 GMT
This game is the only thing resembling a true rivalry match in the first week of the season, and the rivalry between West Ham and Tottenham has gotten a bit nastier recently. West Ham beat Spurs three times last year, which they referred to as ‘the Treble.’
It was one of the only impressive things West Ham did last year, leading to the owners telling Sam Allardyce that he had to get his team playing a more attractive style of football or risk being fired. His purchases indicate that he's going to try -- nutjob/world class talent Mauro Zarate and Ecuadorian forward Enner Valencia are nothing if not fun -- and this venture has awesome trainwreck potential.
Tottenham, meanwhile, have a fun new coach and a lot of their perpetually injured stars healthy. There’s reason for their fans to be excited about their team and this game, so they might begin the year with two points from eight games.
Pick: 3-0, Tottenham
Saturday, 12:30 p.m. ET/17:30 GMT
TV: NBC (U.S.), Sky Sports 1 (U.K.), Sportsnet regional networks (Canada)
Arsenal have Alexis Sanchez firing on all cylinders, and Tony Pulis walked out on Crystal Palace just two days before the season started. The Eagles are going to have a bad time.
Pick: 5-0, Arsenal
Liverpool vs. Southampton
Sunday, 8:30 a.m. ET/13:30 GMT
TV: NBC Sports Network (U.S.), Sky Sports 1 (U.K.), TSN (Canada)
The team mostly responsible for the utter gutting of Southampton faces off against the Saints in what might be the the most interesting match of the week. Sadly, Adam Lallana is injured and won't play against his former club, but Dejan Lovren could get the nod in defense, while Rickie Lambert is probably going to be a backup.
And there's a pretty interesting secondary plot here too, with Liverpool trying to figure out what life after Luis Suarez is going to be like. It's going to feature a lot of weight on the shoulders of youngsters Coutinho and Raheem Sterling, who Liverpool are banking on taking a step forward in their careers and becoming legit superstars. A big performance in a home game against Southampton isn't going to prove anything, but Liverpool fans are going to feel a lot better about this season if they're the stars of the show in a squashing.
Pick: 3-1, Liverpool
Newcastle United vs. Manchester City
Sunday, 11:00 p.m. ET/16:00 GMT
TV: NBC Sports Network (U.S.), Sky Sports 1 (U.K.), TSN (Canada)
If you're new to the Premier League, here's how Newcastle works: They're going to play some decent stuff, lose to Manchester City because Manchester City have a spectacular team, and Newcastle fans are going to declare, based on one game, that Alan Pardew and Mike Ashley are incompetent morons who are ruining the club. When they beat Aston Villa next week, it will be because Pardew got lucky and the players performed well despite him.
Pick: 2-0, Manchester City
Burnley vs. Chelsea
Monday, 3:00 p.m. ET/20:00 GMT
TV: NBC Sports Network (U.S.), Sky Sports 1 (U.K.), Sportsnet World (Canada)
Sean Dyche is an excellent manager who is going to have a long, successful career in English football, but his first event at the adults’ table probably isn’t going to be pretty. Burnley simply don’t have a great squad and Chelsea probably have the best group of players in the league after this summer’s transfer business. Poor Burnley.
Pick: 3-0, Chelsea
Listings via LiveSoccerTV.
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