Soccer has been cancelled because of Juan Roman Riquelme’s retirement. Sorry.

Dear World,

It is with great sadness that I declare football over. It is a wonderful sport and has brought us all so much joy, entertainment and amazement for more than a century, but it is dead.

Juan Roman Riquelme has retired.

The man defined the sport. He owned the sport. And now he is gone, so with him must go the game he mastered. Without Riquelme there is no football.

We were lucky to witness a man alter the rules of geometry to makes passes work. We saw give him physics the middle finger. The ball bended to his will and opponents watched in awe, knowing they were merely humans and no match for Riquelme The Great.

It wasn’t supposed to end this way. Riquelme was supposed to play forever. His immaculate runs, which lasted all of 10 yards, were never going to leave us. His sublime passes would continue on forever. His free kicks would amaze not just us and our children, but our children’s children and our children’s children’s children.

But we were lucky. We never deserved Riquelme. We never deserved football, or at least not Riquelme’s football. It was a sport too great for us, but he let us touch it and for that we are thankful.

Football is dead. It had a nice run, but it disappears with its lord and savior, Juan Roman Riquelme. My condolences.

Love,

God