It's early days, but we've already got a strong contender for rumour of the window. You've heard of Xherdan Shaqiri, of course: versatile and ultra-talented Swiss attacking midfielder; currently playing for Bayern Munich; built like a small tank. And you've heard of Stoke City: scourge of Arsenal; unlovely uber-thugs of Premier League; unlikely saviours of Bojan Krkic. But have you ever encountered them in the same sentence, joined together by the words "linked with a move to"? What a world we live in, friends. What a wonderful world.
Are Stoke about to swoop for a Bayern winger?
It’s not one that anybody saw coming, but Stoke City are apparently interested in wantaway Swiss attacker Xherdan Shaqiri.
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Why it makes sense
Well — no, no, bear with us here — we know three things:
First, we know that Shaqiri is going somewhere. He's been essentially deemed surplus to requirements at Bayern Munich, and various clubs around Europe have spent the last few weeks trying to get a deal set up to rescue him from the Allianz Arena bench. Juventus, Liverpool and Inter have all variously been identified as potential destinations, and nobody from Bayern's pretending otherwise. So that's one element in place.
Secondly, we know Stoke are interested. Properly interested. Assistant manager Mark Bowen, talking to the BBC, confirmed this: “Without any detriment to Stoke City, to get a player like him on board would be fantastic, but he has got many choices of what he wants to do, but we don’t rule ourselves out. He’s definitely on our list, but as you can imagine there is competition for a player of his ability.” There’s element number two.
Finally, we know he wants first-team football. That's why he's leaving Bayern, where he could quite happily sit and collect league winner's medals until his contract expires. He wants to play. And while Stoke might not quite have the cachet of those clubs named above, there's almost no possibility that Jonathan Walters is going to keep him out of the team. Elsewhere, he'll be one large fish jostling with several others; at the Britannia, he'll be King Carp of the whole goddamn pond. Like Homer to Marge, Stoke can offer what nobody else can: complete and utter dependence.
Why it doesn’t make sense
Because there just isn’t enough fun (money/status) in the universe (Stoke) to make this actually happen. Let’s consider the other suitors. Juventus, current leaders of Serie A and regular competitors in the Champions League. Inter, treble-winners in the not-too-distant past and newly flush with investment money and Lukas Podolski. Liverpool, a richer, bigger Premier League club who are simply gagging for a hero to replace their dearly departed toothsome reprobate.
Basically, while the idea of Bojan, Marko Arnautovic and Shaqiri lining up together is a beautiful one, and while the idea of them lining up together for Stoke is a magnificently ridiculous one, that's all it is. An idea. A dream. He'll be going somewhere, but it won't be the Potteries. However hard Mark Hughes tries to force something like a winning smile onto his face.
Likelihood it happens
If wishes were marks out of ten, then eleven. We want this. We need this. Hell, we deserve this, you and us, for all this "Wesley Sneijder to Manchester United" nonsense we have to sit through twice a year. But all those Disney films were lying to you: wishes aren't currency and dreams don't make the world go round. A big, fat zero out of ten, and a fist shaken at a cruel and unthinking universe.
