The knockout round of the MLS playoffs was bananas

It’s been a busy week in sports: the World Series began, the NBA season tipped off and the twin suns of NFL and college football are exerting their usual gravitational pull. Meanwhile, even the NHL’s moon waxed with 3-on-3 overtime. It would be understandable if you missed the first round of the MLS playoffs (especially with the games relegated to UniMas and local cable outlets, despite the league’s contracts with ESPN and FS1).

But it would also be a shame, because all four knockout games contained some element of BATSHIT INSANITY. In chronological order:

The playoffs had barely begun when Juan Agudelo’s rocket of a bicycle kick gave the Revolution an early lead. But that’s the kind of effort it takes to get a ball past Bill Hamid, as the United keeper (and possible heir to Tim Howard in USA’s goal) shut down the Revolution’s attack for the remainder of the game. United battled back with a goal before halftime, then missed a penalty kick off the post in the second half before finally notching the game-winner in the 83rd minute.

The Sounders, with Obafemi Martins and Clint Dempsey, and Galaxy (Robbie Keane and Giovani Dos Santos) have arguably the most electric and dangerous strike partnerships in MLS, but there wasn’t much in the way of possession or counterattack on the wet FieldTurf of CenturyLink Field. The first 30 minutes were a frenetic melee, with the Sounders twice capitalizing on defensive miscues, the Galaxy twice equalizing and each team notching a goal subsequently disallowed. A final Galaxy defensive lapse -- failing to clear a ball in the box -- led to Erik Friberg’s golazo of a game-winner in the 73rd minute, giving Seattle their first-ever postseason win over their frequent playoff nemesis.

Oh, no. No no no. Toronto had been a laughingstock for most of its existence in MLS -- until they added USMNT stalwarts Michael Bradley and Jozy Altidore, as well as Italian star Sebastian Giovinco, who will likely be the league’s MVP. Finally, after nine years, Toronto FC made the playoffs -- only to get torched by a newer Canadian team. The least exciting of four games may have created the most heartbreak.

Well, at least until the next one:

Stefon from Saturday Night Live would recommend this game. It had everything: an 87th minute equalizer for Sporting to send the game into extra time; seven (!!!) minutes of stoppage time before that could happen; a phenomenal goal that gave KC the lead in extra time; iffy refereeing; a last-gasp equalizer for Portland and the longest penalty kick shootout in MLS history -- a white-knuckle affair that featured heroics from a reserve goalkeeper who looks like Dolph Lundgren and didn’t end until the keepers fired penalties at each other.

Oh, and this. Game on the line. Sudden death. Make this, and Kansas City advances in the playoffs.

A goddamn 7-10 split. They lost.

You are, of course, not required to watch MLS, and your preference for other sports or the superior quality of European leagues need not be stated in the comments below. This is merely a PSA: for those who watched, MLS delivered a shot of adrenaline directly into viewers eyes this week.