It would have been cool if the United States had merely won the Women's World Cup. They were playing in the Final against Japan, (hypothetically) the second-best team in the world and the team that had beaten them four years earlier. The USA had been criticized all World Cup; any type of victory would have been an outstanding achievement. It still would have counted if they had played a tightly contested game and scored a goal in like the 73rd minute to give them a 1-0 win. That would have been just fine.
Let us celebrate the complete unstoppable dominance of the USWNT
The USWNT proved they’re the best in the world, and that it isn’t particularly close. Better luck next time, rest of the world.
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The United States did not merely win. They showed up and instantly began eviscerating, mercilessly destroying their opponent, laughing at the very idea that other teams should be allowed to play against them. They dominated, thoroughly and viciously. Here is every other women’s soccer team on this planet, here is a 900-foot staircase, and then there is America.
You probably didn’t have enough time after turning on your TV before America scored:
And then they scored again:
And again:
And then, while everybody was stunned, cackling about how easily America was scoring, Carli Lloyd pulled up from midfield and cheekily launched one over the Japanese goalkeeper:
Before the World Cup started, Kevin McCauley wrote a post about how the USWNT was going to win the World Cup, ending with the phrase “middle fingers to the world.” This Carli Lloyd goal is that middle finger. It is a 900-foot-tall middle finger sculpted of pristine alabaster, and on top of that enormous middle finger is that war guitar dude from Mad Max blasting fire and disturbingly loud jamz at every nation stupid enough to think they could’ve beaten the United States.
It took 20 minutes out of a 90-minute game to prove that the next-best team in the world doesn’t even belong on the same field as America. They could score at will, while riotously laughing, in the World Cup Final.
It reminded me somewhat of the men's World Cup semifinal, when Germany scored a slew of goals en route to a 7-1 win over Brazil. But that day seemed more about Brazil's unfortunate implosion on home turf: Germany still had to go out and beat Argentina, which they accomplished by scoring in the 113th minute of the Final. For America, this WAS the final. This was the game in which they could prove they were the best, and they did it before you finished your first beer.
The USWNT proved they’re the best, and that it isn’t particularly close. The USWNT is brilliant, unstoppable, dominant. Better luck next time, rest of the world.
