There was surprised jubilation across Europe and South America on Wednesday night, as Radamel Falcao -- dubbed a fraud by some, mocked as finished by others -- scored twice for Monaco to send his team top of their group, and ensure qualification for at least the Europa League.
A conversation with Falcao lookalike Conan the Barbarian on the striker’s return to form
And why watching players ravaged by injuries show glimpses of their former selves feels so great.
Paul Gilham/Getty Images
But Falcao’s goals weren’t just some nice sport done well by a good-at-sporting person. They were satisfying on a deeper, more fundamental level. To understand why, we consulted one of the foremost experts on the good things in life: Conan the Barbarian.
SB NATION: Conan! What is best in life?
CONAN THE BARBARIAN: To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women.
SBN: Conan, we’re talking about football.
CONAN: Oh. Well, it’s always good when a once-brilliant player, brought low by brutal injury and savage misfortune, flourishes once again at the highest level. Even if only for a moment.
SBN: It is, isn’t it? Anything else?
CONAN: Yes! When that same footballer, through this moment of redemption, displays defiance in the face of his previous managers. Those men of hard hearts and soft minds who kept him confined to the substitutes bench, who distrusted his talent, who doubted his gifts. Who took his broken body in their hands, and broke his spirit.
SBN: Quite right. Anything more?
CONAN: Yes! When this player’s teammates are visibly and clearly delighted at his return to his self. When they approach him and embrace him. When his joy and their joy multiply and spread around the stadium, around the world. When all is right again, just for one moment.
SBN: That is good.
CONAN: It is, I think, because when we see a great footballer playing well, we can admire their skill. But when we see a great footballer struggle, when we see his head drop and his shoulders slump, we can connect with that. We can say: he, too, is human. He, too is flawed. And so, when he overcomes his burdens, we can see hope for ourselves with the burdens that we all carry. Well, that you carry. I’m Conan.
SBN: Thank you, Conan.
CONAN: Why do you ask?
SBN: Oh, Falcao scored twice for Monaco this evening.
CONAN: Falcao! I like Falcao. We share a haircut.
SBN: ...
CONAN: What?
SBN: ... he cut his hair.
CONAN: Oh.
SBN: A while ago. I thought you knew.
CONAN: No. Nobody told me.
SBN: Sorry.
CONAN: Ah, that’s OK. Nice for him, anyway. And to be honest, if that stops people indulging in weak Conan jokes to pad out their articles about Falcao, so much the better. Is there any more mead?
SBN: There you go.
CONAN: Thanks. Er ...
SBN: Yes?
CONAN: Edinson Cavani’s still got his hair, right?
SBN: Yes, Conan.
CONAN: Good. Good.
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