5 Premier League teams who could sign Olivier Giroud, ranked by fun potential

On Wednesday, Arsenal announced the signing of Lyon striker Alexandre Lacazette for €53 million. He’s the quick, lethal finishing forward Gooners have been waiting for. And with him as the locked-in, first choice No. 9, it’s likely that Olivier Giroud can now be had for the right price.

Giroud is 30, so he’s likely at his peak. He’s also never turned in a massive goal-scoring year. But he’s posted at least 16 goals in all five of his years in an Arsenal shirt, often in a rotational role, and the impact of his hold-up play can’t be measured in simple stats. It’s also notable that Giroud — notorious for missing big chances — has improved or maintained both his shots on target percentage and percentage of SOT resulting in goals in each season. He’s never gone backwards as a finisher. Giroud would improve any Premier League team outside of the top six.

He’s not just some scrap-heap has-been. Oh, and he’s capable of doing things like this.

Giroud is probably available for £20 million, which doesn’t price anyone out of his services in the current era of Premier League television contract riches.

Here are the clubs he might sign for, ranked in order of how entertaining it would be to watch Giroud play for them. For various reasons like club transfer philosophy or existing personnel, we’ve excluded a handful of teams.

When Andy Carroll is healthy, West Ham is a blast to watch. Andy Carroll is almost never healthy. That’s why West Ham should sign someone who does most of the things Carroll does well, with an added dose of solid technique and a very minimal injury record.

Instead of trying to run onto Mesut Özil through balls or play pretty one-twos with Alexis Sánchez, we want to see Giroud playing flicks to direct runners like Andre Ayew and Michail Antonio, or knocking down to Manuel Lanzini for him to try audacious long-range shots. Just like Carroll, when he was actually on the pitch.

Stoke played some excellent counter-attacking football at times last season, but their strikers let them down. Wilfried Bony was wildly disappointing, while Saido Berahino never got out of the slump that started with West Brom benching him over a contract dispute. The highlight of Stoke’s season was the play of 36-year-old Peter Crouch, who is highly unlikely to put together another great Premier League campaign.

Enter Giroud. He’s not terribly mobile, but certainly runs faster than Crouch. He’ll do the work off the ball that Bony didn’t. And his unselfish play gives Mark Hughes the option to play two strikers, which might get Berahino firing again.

Nothing that involves a Rafa Benitez-coached side can ever be truly described as “fun,” but Newcastle has some good midfielders, wide players and second striker types who would certainly benefit from playing with an experienced hold-up target man. Dwight Gayle won’t duplicate his Championship 23-goal return up top by himself in the Premier League, but he’d prove a lot more effective than he did during his Crystal Palace stint if he had someone like Giroud to play off.

But that’s not the main appeal of this deal. The main appeal is a gorgeous, sophisticated, cosmopolitan Frenchman being forced to make the move from London to Tyneside.

Keeping in mind that rumors are making Everton out to be the most likely destination for Giroud, they really shouldn’t sign him. It’s not that Giroud can’t help them — obviously he’s good enough to — but he doesn’t give them a key element they’ll need in their efforts to replace Romelu Lukaku this summer: pace.

Giroud’s defensive work rate and ability in the passing game would both be tremendous assets to the Toffees, but their attack as currently structured would be glacially slow with him up top. They don’t have the pace on the wings or out of midfield to help make up for Giroud’s lack of it, something that will make them far too predictable and easy to counter tactically. If Everton are going to actually improve, they need to look elsewhere.

There might be no more perfect player/club fit. Tony Pulis has gotten a bit less cynical over the years and become willing to use players that have a bit of skill, but still retains the same defensive, rigid and direct tactical philosophy. Giroud would be a bit too Hollywood for Pulis Classic, but he’s the exact type of player that New Pulis would go for.

Of course, nothing could be less fun. Pulis has merely traded axe murderers for common thugs. He’s still the king of anti-football, he does not deserve to have nice things, and we will never be excited about good footballers playing for him. This move, while it would likely solidify West Brom’s top-half standing, would be a complete waste and make us very sad.