An open letter to Colombia’s Carlos Sanchez after he got a red card in the third minute against Japan

Dear Carlos,

Where do I begin?

I just watched you receive a red card in the third minute of your country’s opening World Cup game against Japan, after you stuck your right arm out to block a Japan shot. You received a red card, Shinji Kagawa scored the goal, and now your team was playing man down for the rest of the game, and you’re out not only for this game, but the next game as well.

Anyway, I wanted to write with some advice for future soccer games.

Here are times when it is good to block a wide open shot with your arm:

1. In the final moments of extra time in a do-or-die elimination game when your team is tied, and you need to do anything you can to prevent a goal, so you take your chances with a red card and a penalty shot because even that small chance is better than certain elimination.

2. In the final moments of extra time in a do-or-die elimination game when your team is winning by one, and you need to do anything you can to prevent a goal, so you take your chances with a red card and a penalty shot because it improves your odds ever so slightly that your team can hang on and win and avoid a shootout.

3. Literally no other time.

You might notice that your situation — in the third minute of the first group stage match of a long tournament — does not match the criteria needed. In fact, I’d argue if we made a ranked list of all the times times when it’s a good idea to stick your arm out and block a shot, this is right there at the very end of it. I’m racking my brain, Carlos, and struggling to think of a worse time to do this.

Your country is playing in an international tournament that only happens every four years, and it’s a HUGE deal in your country, and you’re important to your team. Oh, and it’s the first game, and there is a shitload of soccer to come, and now your team has given up the goddamn goal anyway, and they’re going to play man down for 87 minutes, and you can’t play in the next game, and, Carlos baby, what are you doing?

Anyway, uh, your team seems to be doing pretty well in your absence, even down a man, so I guess you can take some sort of comfort in that. And I’m sorry this letter isn’t more comforting. You know all that I’m telling you, I’m sure. This is more for me than it is for you.

I love you,

Nate