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Come Fan with UsSaturday, June 20, 2026

One word to describe each of the remaining World Cup teams

Let’s make this simple for everyone.

Serbia v Brazil: Group E - 2018 FIFA World Cup Russia
Serbia v Brazil: Group E - 2018 FIFA World Cup Russia

Here we go, then. Half the teams gone. Three-quarters of the games over. The World Cup is starting to narrow, to sharpen. We are approaching the omega point, beyond which only one team will exist in any meaningful sense. The rest will be defeated, discarded, and done.

In such circumstances, we can and should think broadly about the probabilities and the possibilities. We should consider all angles, and weigh as much evidence as we can accrue. For we are sensible people, and this is a big deal.

But we should also remember that this is a process of elimination. A vanishing. And so as we think big we must also think small. We must take the multiple futures that are tangled in front of us and strip them down until we have created the concentrated essence of everything that can and will happen. For once we have boiled away the noise, only pure and concentrated truth remains.

Here is one word for every team left in the World Cup. Do with them as you please.

Uruguay

Ouch.

Russia

Surprise!

Spain

Managing.

Portugal

Draw.

France

Shrug.

Denmark

Eriksenmark.

Croatia

Checkmate.

Argentina

Tired.

Brazil

Wired.

Switzerland

Hopp!

Sweden

Post-ego.

Mexico

Giantkillers.

Belgium

MARTINEZ.

England

Home?

Colombia

Dance.

Japan

Pass.

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