Sasha Vujacic Gets Engaged To Maria Sharapova, Because Life Is Unfair

At the beginning of this week we learn that John Mayer may have deflowered Taylor Swift, and at the end, we find out the Sasha Vujacic has stolen Maria Sharapova from us. Just terrible. This means I can never look at Sharapova the same way. She’s marrying the most annoying basketball player on earth.

And this is where we point out that on the scale of “random European basketball marriages” Sasha remains a distant second to Marko Jaric somehow landing Brazilian supermodel Adriana Lima. So when you think about it, it’s not even that cool. Right? Because Sasha Vujacic doesn’t get to win here. We do.

This next picture? It used to look “passionate” but now we’re going to call it “mannish.”

That’s what happens when you side with Sasha. Quick, unrelated Sharapova story after the jump.

I was 18 years old. Maria was 18 years old. It’s a long story, but I’d managed to tag along to an ESPYs party with a family friend, where I was mingling with a bunch of random sports celebrities. By mingling, of course, I mean snapping photos like a groupie, and taking full advantage of an open bar that shouldn’t have been serving me. Anyway, so one thing leads to another, and I find myself face-to-face with Matthew Perry and Maria Sharapova.

I was not very sober by this point, and Sharapova was the only girl at the party within my age range. So that led me to believe I had a shot. Let’s relive this awful, awful pickup attempt.

Me: “Hey, Maria, can I take a photo with you?”

Sharapova: (utterly disinterested, turns to pose)

Matthew Perry: (poses also, thinking I want a picture with him, too)

Me: (notices Sharapova’s pink Razor) “Hey, I like your phone. I didn’t know you could get it in pink.”

Sharapova: “Yup. You can.”

Me: “You know we’re the same age? That’s pretty crazy” (laughs awkwardly)

Sharapova: (doesn’t laugh, turns back to Matthew Perry)

Me: “Well hey, maybe I’ll see you later. Have fun tonight.”

Annnnd... Fin.

The whole exchange last about 15 seconds, but what can I say? I was 18 and had no clue what I was doing. The way I see it, just the attempt could be considered a victory. It earned me a photo with Matthew Perry and Maria Sharapova, after all. Still, I’ll always remember that night, and what might have been. We would have produced such athletic kids! Thanks entirely to her, but still!

But now she’s marrying Sasha Vujacic and the dream is dead. Oh well. We all have one that got away... One that ran back to a figurative Matthew Perry and later, to the waiting arms of some douche like Sasha Vujacic. In this case, it was literal. God, life sucks sometimes.