The 2018 US Open has been the horniest tennis tournament

In the first week alone, this year’s US Open tournament has seen major upsets, punishing court temperatures of more than a hundred degrees, and even a chair umpire essentially coaching a player to a match win. It’s been a wild ride.

But the last major of the calendar year has also been extremely horny. Just really, truly off the rails with #sensualtennis quotes and ab outlines. Everyone’s having a very normal week.

There’s an argument to be made that tennis is one of, if not the, horniest sports around regardless of tournament or time of year. The grunting, the spare balls in players’ pockets, the medical timeout massages. But this US Open is doing all it can to turn that hypothesis into fact.

The heat has been a major part of that, with players changing shirts on the court more frequently and sweating so much that they might as well just be playing without a moisture wicking top on at all. Here are some pictures that I will not actually comment on so I don’t get fired. Just going to leave them here.

Yet we can’t blame all of this on the heat. Or, at least we can’t directly. Novak Djokovic going on a training run in Spain in nothing but a Speedo and his sneakers was only a preamble to the horniness happening in Flushing, Queens.

Like the first horseman of the Horny Apocalypse (hornsman?), we should have known it was a sign. During his first round match against Hungarian Márton Fucsovics, the Extreme Heat Policy was in effect — a rule that allows players to take a 10 minute break at certain points during the match when the temperature exceeds certain limits (after the second set for women’s matches and after the third set for the men).

Some players go change and cool down in the locker room, but others take a dip in an ice bath to lower their core temperatures before re-taking the court. They’re just not allowed to talk to their team or get medical attention.

Apparently, Djokovic and Fucsovics both went the ice bath route and Djokovic’s post-match description of the break was really something.

“Marton and I were having an ice bath, next to each other — we battled for two-and-a-half hours — and then we were naked in the ice bath. It was a magnificent thing.”

What a mental picture. I’d say Djokovic needs to calm down a little but who doesn’t want quotes like this happening? More ice bath descriptions, please.

Tennis legend Boris Becker looked at Djokovic’s quote and said “oh I can do so much better than that.” When discussing Spanish player Fernando Verdasco, who beat Andy Murray in the second round and will now play Juan Martin del Potro, Becker said,

“...I’ve seen him without his shorts too. I won’t say anymore. Top guy.”

Not going to comment on the actual content of that quote (because again, I like this job) Verdasco is indeed quite handsome and all we can hope is that he and Becker are at least casual friends.

Thankfully, the heat has abated at least a little. The weekend could bring rain, which might banish the humidity. But based on this first week even if the heat goes away, the slightly blue moments could stay the theme of the tournament.