It’s only September, and fall has just begun, but WWE is acting like it’s springtime and WrestleMania is here. Now, that doesn’t apply to the entire card for Sunday’s No Mercy show, the latest RAW-exclusive pay-per-view, but the main events are huge matches we’re used to seeing at the likes of SummerSlam or the Royal Rumble or WrestleMania.
No Mercy 2017: The full rundown and why you should care
We’re getting two WrestleMania-level matchups even though it’s only September.
Don’t take this as some weird complaint about timing: it’s good to see WWE remember that they can attempt to entertain even when it’s “just” a B-level show, slash, even when football is on television. Let’s dive in.
Jason Jordan vs. The Miz (c) for the Intercontinental Championship
What am I looking at here? Jason Jordan is (kayfabe) Kurt Angle’s son from a long-gone relationship, and the former member of tag team champs American Alpha is getting his first real crack at a singles title. He’ll be taking on Miz, who could very well retire someday as the most successful Intercontinental champ in WWE history, and who also has not been shy about pointing out that Jordan is getting this opportunity in large part because of who his dad is. Jordan is a damn good wrestler, so that’s not true, but it feels true enough for the heel Miz to use it as ammunition.
Why you should care: Well, Miz is the GOAT, so there’s one reason. Jordan was the greatest hot tag in WWE when he was still in a tag team, and he’s recently been let loose on the singles scene, with excellent matches against some of the best in the business like John Cena and Roman Reigns. He lost both of those, but hey, Cena lost to Jordan’s dad in his (re)introduction to WWE but made an impression, and that’s what we’ve got going on here once again. Will this push result in a win for Jordan? I don’t know! But the match should be pretty great.
Enzo Amore vs. Neville (c) for the Cruiserweight Championship
What am I looking at here? Enzo Amore is the worst wrestler around unless you need someone to flop around absorbing damage looking like they’re one of those dummies sketch comedy shows used to use in place of a person when falling out a window or whatever. He joined the cruiserweights because he’s not a big guy and then, because the cruiserweight division doesn’t have enough weird bullshit to wade through, he started winning matches despite being the literal worst.
Enzo also has this championship opportunity despite being on the receiving end of a Miz promo that, in short, was “Everyone hates you and not for pretend, like we all actually hate you and think you suck and hope you die alone.” The crowd was on Miz’s side.
Enzo will take on Neville, who is perfection, not just in his abilities or demeanor but also in his likelihood of grinding Amore into literal dust.
Why you should care: One of two things is going to happen here: Neville is going to dismantle Enzo and mail the pieces to different locations all over the world as a ghastly reminder of his power and the fear it should inspire in all of us. Or, Enzo is going to win with a lucky rollup after some awful distraction despite doing absolutely nothing to deserve a victory.
Remember, too, that Enzo is supposed to be the face here, so if he does win and everyone hates it, it’s not Good Heeling or whatever. It’s just awful writing.
Finn Balor vs. Bray Wyatt in a Man vs. Man match
What am I looking at here? i honestly do not know
Why you should care: ^
Finn vs. Bray at SummerSlam was cool and all but part of the attraction there was Bray “I’m literally Satan” Wyatt getting wrecked by a guy with a demonic persona who spent 15 minutes or whatever showing Bray that the demon paint job wasn’t just a paint job, it also unlocked something deep within him that gave him an extra gear. Bray’s response to losing was, “Uh don’t you think it’s kind of unfair that you have a demon persona maybe you should wrestle me man to man oh also please forget all that stuff I’ve said for years about being possessed by the devil I’m def just a regular person.”
Finn said yes, because he is a babyface, and babyfaces don’t run from challenges even when they’re dumb. That can refer to either the challenge or the babyface, for what it’s worth.
Cesaro and Sheamus vs. Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins (c) for the RAW Tag Team Championships
What am I looking at here? Two of the top tag teams in WWE, facing off in a rematch of their SummerSlam bout that would have stolen the show if not for the main event Braunpocalypse.
Why you should care: Man y’all are demanding, did not you just see the part where I said two of the top tag teams are facing off in a rematch wherein the original match was dope as heck? Fine, fine. Rollins and Ambrose joining forces once again has been a boon to the shipping industry — no, no, the other shipping industry — and taking down Sheamus and Cesaro will cement Rollins and Ambrose as the (friendship-based) team to beat on RAW.
tl;dr: four dudes are going to beat on each other hard for our amusement and regardless of who wins, friendship will triumph
Sasha Banks vs. Bayley vs. Nia Jax vs. Emma vs. Alexa Bliss (c) in a Fatal 5-Way RAW Women’s Championship match
What am I looking at here? We were supposed to get Bayley vs. Alexa Bliss at SummerSlam, but then Bayley was hurt, and Sasha Banks won her way into a match with Bliss instead — a match she won. Then, Bliss won back the RAW Women’s Championship because Banks is as incapable of defending a title as she is capable of winning one, and Nia Jax responded to her friend Alexa’s win by dumping her on her head as a violent way of saying “I’ve got next.”
Then Emma complained and said she wanted in on the title, too, so her and Nia teamed together and won themselves insertion into this match before Nia then beat on Emma some as a reminder that their alliance was one of convenience. Bayley then showed up in her hometown San Jose aka the one place that is still cheering for Bayley, attacked Bliss without provocation, and then was placed into the Fatal 4-Way to make it a Fatal 5-Way as a reward for this act.
You know, when you write it all out like that, the most face competitor in the bunch at the moment is the heel champion, Alexa.
Why you should care: It’s going to be something to see everyone unite to try to take Nia Jax out of the equation, since this isn’t an elimination match and therefore the only successfully tested ways of stopping her won’t work here. Sasha Banks and Bayley both know she can be submitted, but no one is going to be able to submit Jax since doing so would end the match with the submitter as victor. They also can’t just pile on top of her for the 1-2-3 like Charlotte, Sasha, and Bayley did at WrestleMania 33, since again, it’s not an elimination match, and a pin means we have resolution.
Another angle to watch for is what goes on with Emma, who WWE has done their best to destroy at every turn despite her talent and connection with the crowd. Will this be her moment to remind everyone that she does in fact belong with all of the women WWE brought up after her for their “revolution,” or is she just here to eat a pin so that the ones who [extremely condescending and sarcastic voice] “matter” continue to look strong even in defeat?
John Cena vs. Roman Reigns in a who is the biggest dog in the yard match
What am I looking at here? It’s the old hotness vs. the new hotness, the crew cut vs. the long flowing hair of a prince whose arms you would feel so very safe in. Cena vs. Reigns should be a WrestleMania main event, and yet, here it is, at No Mercy, which kind of makes you wonder how much longer Cena is going to be wrestling on the reg for WWE.
Also, just so we’re clear, that’s not a real match stipulation, but it is definitely what this pissing contest is about.
Cena has won the verbal battle thus far in what has been a bunch of worked-shoot promos, but also, obviously he has: Roman’s charisma is all about the dangerous silence and mood his presence creates, whereas Cena’s is almost entirely verbal. What matters in the end is which of these dudes has their arm raised in victory.
Why you should care: John Cena is maybe the greatest WWE has ever had, and even if he’s not leaving the company soon, he is going to someday. Reigns might not be the guy who gets all the cheers in Cena’s absence, but he definitely gets reactions, and people care about him and his matches and where he is in the company. Reigns is at his best in a big match, and so is Cena, and now we’ve got Big Match John vs. The Big Dog going one-on-one. Is this the first of a series? A one-and-done, winner-take-all? No one knows for sure, but we do know that this has potential for true greatness, and that’s reason enough to watch even if you don’t particularly have a, well, a dog in this race.
Braun Strowman vs. Brock Lesnar (c) for the WWE Universal Championship
What am I looking at here? There is no one like Brock Lesnar. The closest anyone has ever come is Braun Strowman. Those statements work just as well and as accurately if you reverse the order of the names, too. And now they’re facing off against each other, where Strowman hopes to finish the job he started at SummerSlam, whereas Lesnar is hoping that he can handle Strowman one-on-one now that he doesn’t have two others to worry about as well.
Why you should care: Strowman vs. Lesnar somehow has more changing of the guard-ness to it than Cena vs. Reigns, as, like with Cena, Lesnar isn’t going to be around forever, but his opponent is crucial to the future success of the company. Strowman is the one who can be the true superstar going forward, even more than Reigns, as he’s an absolute force of nature that fans are dying to cheer for despite his status as a monster.
Plus, Strowman took a German Suplex from Lesnar and was completely unfazed. We need to see how that plays out over the course of a full match. I cannot wait.
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