Royal Rumble 2018 results: Highlights and winners from Sunday night

It’s Royal Rumble time, y’all. Thirty men will vie for the right to challenge one of WWE’s top champions at WrestleMania 34, and for the first time ever, 30 women will get the same opportunity to challenge a top women’s champ in their own Royal Rumble match. We’ll be here covering it all, from start to finish, maybe even with a Ronda Rousey appearance along the way.

The Royal Rumble pay-per-view — not match! — begins at 7 p.m. ET. We’ll get title defenses from Brock Lesnar and A.J. Styles, as well as both the RAW and SmackDown tag team champs along with the two Royal Rumble matches. Let’s do this.

Here we go: The first women’s Royal Rumble is also going to main event the Royal Rumble.

Stephanie McMahon is on commentary, while Charlotte (SmackDown Women’s Champion) and Alexa Bliss (RAW Women’s Champion) are ringside to watch their potential competition. The first entrants are former RAW Women’s Champion and former (and first-ever) SmackDown Women’s Champion, Sasha Banks and Becky Lynch.

Sarah Logan, a member of the Riott Squad, is entrant No. 3. And she starts throwing hands at both Becky and Sasha. Mandy Rose, a member of Absolution, is here at number four. Sadly, leader of Absolution, Paige, can’t be in the match due to injury. Or at least, that’s what they’re telling us.

Listen, I’m going to keep holding out hope that Paige is healthy in real life and that her career isn’t over. Don’t take this from me.

And here’s our first legend from the women’s division! It’s WWE Hall of Famer Lita, wearing ring gear with a #TimesUp on it. Just don’t eliminate Becky, Lita, not that I’m biased (I am biased).

Mandy Rose gets eliminated, the first women ever eliminated, which is not a thing you want to be remembered for really. But hey, there’s just the one. Here’s Kairi Sane, the winner of the Mae Young Classic from last summer, coming in the sixth spot.

Kairi starts throwing elbows everywhere — the best elbows since Randy Savage’s heyday — and Tamina finds her way into the ring at No. 7. Lita just did a double moonsault onto Becky and Sasha, and didn’t hurt herself in the process, then eliminated Tamina.

Becky then eliminated Lita in the aftermath, and that brings entrant eight, Dana Brooke, to the ring. And Dana eliminates Kairi, who still has matches to win down at NXT before she parks on the main roster. Torrie Wilson is No. 9! She is welcomed back to WWE by a dropkick from Sarah Logan.

Torrie gets her return elimination, knocking Dana Brooke out with a low kick after getting her on the apron. Sorry, Dana. Member No. 2 of Absolution, Sonya Deville, is here. Will she be the only wrestler with an MMA background to join the Rumble tonight? Yes, because Ronda Rousey isn’t a wrestler yet ha ha see what I did there, update post

Liv Morgan is No. 11, coming out to Ruby Riott’s music, too; someone get these ladies their own solo tunes, please.

MOLLY HOLLY IS HERE, and Sarah Logan is gone, and yes, those two events are related! And there’s a Molly Go Round; this match is rounding into shape. Lana is here for her first match since she got housed by Naomi three matches in a row last summer. Absolution and Riott Squad folks are working together to take her out, because they have also seen Lana on Total Divas, and know that this is merited.

Michelle McCool comes down the ramp house afire, and takes out Liv Morgan, Sonya Deville, and Michelle McCool in short order. Now Lana is starting some shit with her, which results in Lana being eliminated. Becky and Sasha remain, and here comes no. 15: Ruby Riott, now sans Squad.

EXCUSE ME? Vickie Guerrero! Vickie Guerrero is here! Best Rumble ever imo. She’s just screaming “Excuse me” with no entrance music and no one is stopping their fight.

There is no reason for Vickie to come back here and debase herself on national television, but she’s doing it, and that’s why everyone loves Vickie. And loves to boo Vickie.

Vickie hits Carmella, No. 17, with Carmella’s own Money in the Bank briefcase, so she gets to take a little nap for a while. She’s up, but only because Natalya annoyed her while coming down to the ring, rousing her.

Kelly Kelly is No. 19, the same age she was when she debuted in WWE’s version of ECW. I don’t remember that off the top of my head, commentary told us, and now I’m telling you.

Natalya bounces Michelle McCool out of the ring, and we’re down to Nattie, Carmella, Becky, Ruby, Sasha, and Kelly Kelly. And here comes former SmackDown Women’s Champion, Naomi.

Becky Lynch is eliminated after 31 minutes and this Rumble is terrible now boo boo boo it’s awful

Just kidding, it’s still good, and we’re still going. Here’s WWE Hall of Famer Jacqueline! And she’s followed by Nia Jax at 22. Nia has some housecleaning to do, probably starting with Kelly Kelly and Jacqueline. I had the order wrong, but yeah, there goes both of them.

It’s Ruby, Nia, Sasha and Naomi left in the ring, OK not Ruby anymore.

Natalya gets thrown out of the ring, but everyone outside caught her, so she’s still in the match, only on the barricade. And here’s NXT Women’s Champion, Ember Moon! Ember has one working arm after Shayna Baszler did her best to rip it off of Moon’s body last night.

Naomi is walking across the barricade and just stole a chair. She’s now crawling to the ring with her feet in the chair, and she’s on the stairs and back in! Nia immediately throws her out of the ring, because Nia is boss.

Beth Phoenix, inducted into the Hall of Fame last year, a four-time women’s champion, is now the only one here to stop Nia because Sasha is still napping on the outside. Also, Beth Phoenix has been in the men’s Rumble before and eliminated the Great Khali.

Hey, turns out Nattie isn’t eliminated! And she’s here to work against Nia with her old tag team partner, Beth. They knocked her out through the middle of the ring, and Nattie is definitely going to turn on Beth here and yup there it is, and there goes Beth.

Carmella, Nattie, Ember, and Sasha are here with Nia, and now they’re joined by Asuka. Asuka and Ember lock eyes and here we goooo feud reignited. Feud over again, as Ember is gone thanks to Asuka. Mickie James is here, and since she used to wrestle with some of these legends, that’s pretty cool to see her here full time in the Rumble.

No. 27 is on the way, and it’s Nikki Bella! The longest-reigning champion in the Divas title’s history and Queen of Strong Style! Or, at least, she can call herself that if she survives Asuka here, maybe.

Carmella is eliminated, so she won’t have the Money in the Bank briefcase and Royal Rumble win. And here’s her twin sister Brie Bella to help save her at No. 28!

Bayley is in at number 29, which just leaves us with one spot for Ronda Rousey or Paige to come in and let us know it was all a work. And it’s neither! It’s Trish Stratus, another WWE Hall of Famer!

So we’ve got Brie Bella, Nikki Bella, Asuka, Bayley, Nattie, Sasha, Trish, Mickie, and Nia on the outside. And Trish noticed Mickie, so it’s time to resume an old, stalker-y feud. Trish gets the upper hand, but then Nia just trucks her. Every other woman attacks Nia, until Nia screams and everyone runs.

Literally all off them eliminated Nia because honestly that was the only way to stop her. Wooooow Sasha just eliminated Bayley and said, “That’s why I’m the boss,” so please tell us heel Sasha is back.

Speaking of heel Sasha, she just took out Trish after Trish mocked her with Sasha’s own taunt. Then while Sasha mocked Trish, Asuka smelled blood.

Sasha got the Bellas to help her with Asuka, but then made the mistake of trusting them with her back turned: Sasha is eliminated, and we’re down to the Bellas and Asuka.

And now we’re down to Nikki and Asuka, because Brie trusted Nikki. What is wrong with all of you? You should know better than anyone, Brie!

Nikki vs. Asuka is basically what I have been asking for since Asuka was signed by WWE so let’s do this Rumble finals.

Asuka gets the victory, knocking Nikki out while they were both on the apron.

Asuka didn’t choose her opponent for WrestleMania 34, but didn’t get much of a chance to because Ronda Rousey just showed up and pointed at the WrestleMania sign. She tried to shake Asuka’s hand, and had it swatted away — feels like she’s going to try to get in on whichever of Charlotte or Alexa Asuka doesn’t choose.

I’m not thrilled about Ronda swooping in to overshadow Asuka’s moment here, but also, at least she didn’t come in with no experience and win the first women’s Rumble. And also, Asuka still rules.

There are three big, big dudes in this match. Brock Lesnar is the smallest guy in this match, which is not a normal thing for Brock Lesnar!

Let’s talk story lines for a second: the assumption is that Kane is just here to be pinned by Brock Lesnar, so that Braun Strowman can lose without losing, and to put him somewhere besides the Royal Rumble match, which he wasn’t going to win. That’s just the assumption, though: there are other directions WWE could go here, as they could pull the trigger on Braun as WWE Universal Champion now by letting him pin Kane, or Kane is getting his last major title run with basically zero chance of still carrying the belt by Mania.

Seriously though Brock Lesnar is going to win, right?

Braun just kneed Lesnar in the head, and then Lesnar definitely for real punched Braun in the ear, so this is off to a violent start! Braun also just punched a chair OUT OF LESNAR’S HAND because he is the biggest and bestest wrestler in my life.

Braun just chokeslammed Kane, so the list of people who have chokeslammed the Big Red Machine is now three wrestlers long. Lesnar busted out a trio of German suplexes, but Braun did not care even a little bit and got up to hurt Lesnar, anyway.

Braun Strowman got buried under an announce table by Brock Lesnar, which gets us some 1-on-1 Kane vs. Lesnar, which is really just a chance for Lesnar to murder Kane on live television. Which he immediately does by putting him through a table and into a monitor that was still on the table.

Braun delivers a pair of reverse powerslams to Lesnar, but then Kane has to come in and hit Braun with a chair, ending the punishment. Kane’s reward? An F-5 from Lesnar onto a chair, and there’s your 1-2-3. Lesnar retains the Universal Championship.

It’s Sheamus and Cesaro against the RAW Tag Team champs, Rollins and Jordan. The first three were in the Rumble, with Rollins in the longest amount of time, but Cesaro and Sheamus are pretty fresh. Jordan, though, wasn’t even in the Rumble, so Rollins should have some time to catch his breath here.

Rollins of course starts the match because Jordan’s primary character trait right now is “being a dick.”

The crowd is understandably quieter after the lengthy Rumble match and the exhaustion that comes from celebrating Nakamura’s win.

Jordan took one hit outside the ring and is still down, because again: being a dick.

This crowd is still dead, by the way. Will they have anything left come the women’s Rumble? Hopefully: remember, Sheamus, Cesaro, and Rollins have already been seen and wrestled in front of this crowd, and Jordan has been dead on the outside for the entire thing.

Rollins is trying to do this himself, with a Frog Splash off the corner and hey here’s Jason Jordan tagging himself in! And then immediately holding his head as if he’s still a little woozy. So he just tagged himself back out while Rollins is half-dead on the outside. Their relationship is going well.

Rollins is giving it his all, but this is basically a handicap match, and Rollins is burnt out from his lengthy Rumble bout. That’s that: Cesaro and Sheamus hit their finisher, Jordan doesn’t even try to break up the pin, and we’ve got new RAW Tag Team champions in The Bar.

Is Jordan concussed, or just a jerk? I can tell you which one Rollins is going to assume, and he’s probably not wrong!

Well here’s a major surprise: the men’s Royal Rumble is usually the main event, unless someone with the ego popularity of the Rock also has a match on the show. This means the women’s Rumble is probably going on last, yeah?

There are so many possibilities for the winner of the men’s Rumble. It could be Roman Reigns again! It could be Shinsuke Nakamura! It could be the Miz or Rusev or look there are 30 competitors and all 30 don’t have a shot, but I got tired of typing names, to give you an indication of how many potential winners there are.

Entrant number one is Rusev, with musical accompaniment from Aiden English! It’s Rusev Day, y’all! He’ll be joined by Finn Balor to start, which is... well, these were two of the many, many who could win, and boy, they are here early on.

Here is Rhyno as the third entrant, and he’s not quite the favor Finn and Rusev are. He is shaped like a refrigerator, though, so he’s got that going for him. He’s followed by Baron Corbin, whose new theme I’m still refusing to recognize. Bring back the motorcycle!

Corbin lifts the refrigerator out of the ring, but then gets eliminated by Balor. Corbin decides to pull both Rusev and Finn out of the ring to knock them both out, so uh... he’s out, and they’re still in, they’re just also unconscious. On the bright side, they can’t be eliminated if they’re knocked out on the outside!

Heath Slater is out here and welp Baron Corbin just ran right into him on his way to the back. Heath Slater might be the Curtis Axel Memorial Never Made It To The Rumble entrant this year.

Elias is out here, with his guitar, and lucky for him, he’s got time to sing a song with everyone unconscious. He is also wearing five scarves.

EL IDOLO IS HERE! The NXT Champion, Andrade Cien Almas, is here to face Elias. Like with Elias, he also kicks Heath Slater while walking down the ramp. Almas has no chance of winning, but this is his chance to do his big moves and get an elimination or two.

Here is Bray Wyatt, who sees Heath Slater trying to climb into the ring. Slater gets thrown into the barricade instead. Poor Heath.

Bray eliminates no one, but he does knock everyone over: Finn and Rusev have woken up, by the way. And here comes Big E, the muscle of New Day, who is helping Heath Slater up and no he’s shoving pancakes in his mouth never mind.

Tye Dillinger comes out at number 10 for the second year in a row. Well, at least his music is playing: he’s backstage getting his ass beat by Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens, and Zayn is taking Dillinger’s spot in the Rumble. He of course hits Heath Slater on the way down.

Sheamus is entering now, and he threw Heath Slater into the ring. THEN HEATH ELIMINATED SHEAMUS IMMEDIATELY! And Heath is eliminated by Bray. Farewell, Heath.

Entrant number 12 is on their way to the ring, and it’s another member of New Day, Xavier Woods. He can’t kick Heath while he’s down, because Heath is gone. Apollo Crews is in at 13, and here is Shinsuke Nakamura at number 14. He has a legitimate chance of winning, even at 14.

Nakamura just started wrecking everyone with his legs, and even eliminates Sami Zayn in the process. Here’s the other member of The Bar, Cesaro, at 15. Hey, all three members of New Day are in the match now, as Kofi Kingston just ran down to the ring.

Apollo Crews nearly throws Cesaro straight out of the ring, but Cesaro reverses the situation and then eventually knocks Crews to the floor.

Jinder Mahal makes his way to the ring at 17 — it’s the former WWE Champion’s first-ever Royal Rumble appearance, and it kicks off with eliminating two of the three members of New Day in the ring. Woods and Big E are out, so here’s Kofi all by his lonesome: that’s a good spot for him to avoid elimination, as he does.

Seth Rollins, one of the RAW Tag Team Champions, comes out at 18. Kofi lands with one foot on Xavier Woods, avoiding elimination! You need two feet to hit the floor! Big E follows up by putting a plate of pancakes under Kofi’s foot, and now Jinder won’t let him back in the ring. THEY THREW HIM BACK IN THE RING AHAHAHA

Kofi then eliminates Jinder, and Almas does the smart thing and throws Kofi out the other side of the ring where New Day is not to log an elimination. Here comes Woken Matt Hardy at 19.

Aw, Rusev Day is over, as he’s eliminated. And now Wyatt and Hardy are kind of working together because they’re both weirdos, but don’t worry, now they’re punching each other because they’re both weirdos. And they’re eliminated together, by each other.

John Cena comes in to the match, and everyone immediately attacks him because they’ve watched wrestling before. Elias is eliminated anyway, so they really should have stuck to working together until Cena was gone.

The Hurricane is here lololol. John Cena took care of that for us in a hurry.

Aiden English is here, which is almost like Rusev Day, but not quite. We’re down to English, Cena, Finn, Nakamura, Almas, Rollins, and now Adam Cole, who shows up after an Extreme Rules match at last night’s NXT TakeOver event. His ribs are taped up, so, uh, good luck, Cole.

We’re now minus an Aiden English, as he gets kicked out of the ring and hits the apron on the way down. Entrant number 24 is... last year’s Royal Rumble winner, Randy Orton. He has a lot more hair this year, and also less of a chance of winning. I hope.

Orton starts taking names the second he enters, powerslamming Cole and then turning Almas’ flying attack into an RKO. Almas is now eliminated, but Cole remains. Titus O’Neil is number 25, and he goes right after John Cena. Titus knows what’s up.

Miz is here at 26! Miz is the current Intercontinental Champion, and has a real shot of winning the Rumble. Then again, so do a lot of other people currently in the ring (and probably still to come).

YOOOOOOOO REY MYSTERIO IS HERE. And he just eliminated Adam Cole! Roman Reigns is entrant 28, which means Philadelphia is in full-on boo mode. They’re still booing. It’s like, 30 seconds later and they are still booing. Reigns is now staring down Miz, who won the IC title off of Roman just last week.

Miztourage just saves Miz briefly, but then Seth Rollins attacks Miz to save Roman. Shield buddies for life. They’re going to double powerbomb him — Ambrose is still hurt, sorry — Miz out of the ring. And then Roman eliminates Seth, but Seth gets it. He’s done the betrayal thing before.

And here comes number 30, the final entrant for the men’s Rumble. It’s Dolph Ziggler, who better not win the Rumble because I am tired of his face. Ziggler gave up the United States Championship a few weeks back, claiming he was better than that, and now he’s here to try to win a chance for a WrestleMania main event.

ZIGGLER IS OUT FINN BALOR KNOCKED HIM OUT FINN FOR PRESIDENT OF THE WORLD.

We’ve got Orton, Cena, Mystero, Reigns, Mysterio, and Nakamura still left. Orton gets tossed out, and then Finn throws Mysterio out. No solidarity among the little(r) dudes.

Cena and Reigns are staring at each other, and the Philly fans chanted “You both suck!” I love wrestling as much as I love those two wrestlers.

The winner is still somehow not obvious despite there being just four men left: all four have a reasonable story line claim to winning the Rumble: Cena to face Styles again, this time at Mania, Reigns to face off against Lesnar to wrap their long-term story, Nakamura to take on his old rival Styles, and Finn, the first Universal Champion ever who lost it due to injury, getting a shot at Lesnar, the current Universal champ.

Finn gets tossed out by John Cena when Finn isn’t looking, and that’s good news for everyone else, because Finn was crushing them all. Philly is chanting “Bullshit!” because they are just expecting Roman or Cena to win at this point. Which, fair, but also, chant for Shinsuke, y’all!

Nakamura eliminates Cena! It’s Shinsuke vs. Roman Reigns! Philly is going to wreck this place if Nakamura loses.

Nakamura is trying to drag Reigns out of the ring with a triangle choke, but Reigns ends up lifting him back in. Didn’t eliminate Reigns, but Nak is back in the ring and not on the apron, so that’s progress.

Reigns counters a Kinshasa with a spear, but then a spear is countered with a Kinsasha, and Shinsuke Nakamura is your 2018 men’s Royal Rumble winner! Nakamura says he wants to face A.J. Styles at WrestleMania 34, so there we go! Styles will have to survive whatever the fallout of Zayn and Owens’ complaints are, but either way, Nakamura will be facing the WWE Champion in April.

The Usos are the champs, and these dudes are legit. They’re also faces, because they were just so, so good on the mic and in the ring as heels that the crowd couldn’t help but start to cheer for them every time out. They’ll take on Gable and Benjamin, who have gone in the opposite direction and have been heeling it up of late. Also, coincidentally, this match is happening because their last encounter featured an ineligible pin and a reversed decision.

It will take two pinfalls or submissions to win the SmackDown Tag Team titles here, so if one team gets pinned or submits early on, they still have a second chance to even things up.

Gable and Benjamin are hurting Jimmy Uso’s leg again and again here early on, which should impact the match later on: announcer Corey Graves is praising this, but heels are also very much into limb targeting. As they should be, of course.

Jey Uso finally gets tagged in, much to the relief of his brother’s leg, and he cleans house before getting a near fall on Gable.

Finishers are flying here, but none of them have resulted in a single fall yet. This match might be going to some dangerous places in order to get the Ws these teams need.

The first fall took several superkicks. There was a party of superkicks. The Usos go up 1-0, but Shelton and Benjamin immediately go on the offensive to begin the second phase of the match.

Oh, wow! The Usos get wrecked here early in phase two of the 2-out-of-3 falls match, but then they get their act together long enough to rollup Benjamin for the surprise clean sweep, and retain the SmackDown Tag Team Championships. Benjamin and Gable were going for their tag team finisher in the ring, but a small package pulled Benjamin just out of the way of a leaping Gable, and that’s that.

We’re kicking things off with the WWE Championship match, which makes sense when you consider the other matches on the card. This is the title match with the best chance of having its competitors in the men’s Royal Rumble match itself, so distancing them from that match — which will be the main event — is the right call.

Plus the whole thing about these three being great and more than capable to set the pace for the rest of the show.

In case you need the reminder or catchup: Owens and Zayn are tagging against the champion, A.J. Styles, because Styles didn’t want to have to deal with one of them illegally interfering in a championship match at the Royal Rumble. So instead, now Zayn and Owens can legally interfere. Styles didn’t think this through, but that’s a face for you.

Owens and Zayn kick off the match by tagging each other in again and again, but it doesn’t seem to phase Styles. Having to switch off between two opponents able to tag out and stay relatively fresh is wearing on Styles, though, who gets tossed around outside the ring by Owens and is kept grounded by the pair.

Their advantage doesn’t last forever, though, as Styles starts fighting back against first Owens, then Zayn, and then the two of them at the same time. Owens gets put in the Calf Crusher submission in the middle of the ring while Zayn has been knocked outside... but Zayn recovers in time to keep Owens from tapping out.

Zayn goes for the Blue Thunder Bomb, which won him a match against Styles last week when Owens ran interference, but this time, no such luck: the champ stays alive! Styles manages to hit the Phenomenal Forearm on Zayn, but Owens comes out of nowhere to breakup the pin. Styles won’t be able to win this match if he can’t keep both opponents down at the same time.

Zayn tries to tag Owens, but... maybe fails to reach him? Styles then throws Zayn out of the ring and pins Owens to retain the WWE Championship, but Owens wasn’t the legal man. The ref counted to three anyway, but the announce team is now saying there was no tag, so.... controversy!

Owens and Zayn are shouting at Shane McMahon, the commissioner of SmackDown Live, backstage, about the non-tag. He’s not having it, though, so GM Daniel Bryan might need to be the one to sort this out — and since he’s leaned toward Owens and Zayn during this whole feud, the news might be good for the duo.