WWE Fastlane 2018 results: Winners and highlights from Sunday night

Fastlane has ended, and we have a much better sense of what SmackDown’s contributions to the WrestleMania 34 card will be. We had a title change, an interrupted title match, two title defenses, and Shane McMahon messing around, again. Also, John Cena is sad.

Want the blow-by-blow of WWE Fastlane 2018? Our live blog handily converts into a results post now that the event is no longer live. I love science!

Shinsuke Nakamura is going to WrestleMania 34 and facing the WWE Champion, but he has to wait until the completion of this match to see who that will be. If Styles retains, Nakamura gets the opponent he’s already said he wants. If Cena wins, that’s a record 17th WWE Championship win. If Sami Zayn or Kevin Owens win, well, it’ll really depend on how they won and who they pin before we know how the friends would react to the other winning. If Ziggler or Corbin wins? Listen, I don’t have to entertain every possibility here.

How do I want the match to end?

SmackDown commissioner Shane McMahon is here, presumably to insert himself into the proceedings somehow. Daniel Bryan, SmackDown’s GM, isn’t here to stop Shane O’Mac from pulling whatever garbage he plans on pulling, so, prepare for some garbage to happen.

Cena’s shirt is very bright.

It’s not a new shirt, but seeing it with the side of the ring the same color really brings the idea of its brightness to the forefront.

Sami and KO still seem to be fighting, as Owens won’t make eye contact with him. We’ll probably find out tonight if Zayn is the real bad guy of the duo now, or if Owens has another gear of terrible friend in him to counter for the potential that Zayn is going to be a bad friend.

John Cena just hit an Attitude Adjustment on everyone in the ring except for AJ Styles. Not all at once, but one at a time. Hey, he’s getting older, okay? The feats of strength might not be what they used to be. So this match basically starts out as a one-on-one of Cena vs. Styles.

It is no longer a one-on-one, and also Cena just realized five wrestlers are very angry at him and also conscious. In a related story, Cena is laying on the ground getting kicked until he can no longer feel.

AJ Styles is finally getting a little break on the outside after Corbin threw him out of the ring, just in time for Cena to reenter the ring and start delivering damage again. Kevin Owens comes out of nowhere with a Frog Splash to hit Ziggler and try to pin him, but Styles pops back in the ring to break up the pin.

This match is like 90 percent signature moves and finishers and I gotta say, the spamming is working because that also means there is a rotating cast and lots of reversals. Intrigue! Everything moving fast! Let’s get weird, this is a match with six dudes in it and no rules.

Corbin hit a Deep Six on Styles and it was ridiculous, how did he spin that fast with someone in his arms

Corbin and Ziggler are fighting in the crowd, Owens is tearing apart the announce tables trying to hurt Styles, Cena and Zayn are nowhere to be found, and Shane McMahon is covering his mouth hoping Zayn and Owens die, probably.

Cena did what Owens could not, putting Styles through a table with an Attitude Adjustment that saw him chuck Styles from one table to another.

Oh hey, it’s Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens in the ring together, waiting for the other to punch first. Zayn told Owens he’d help Kevin win, but Kevin is having trust issues.

Zayn is laying down for KO! Owens is conflicted about this! Owens pulled Sami up to start beating on him, which resulted in a rollup from Zayn, and now it’s off to the races for these two, and by races I mean punching each other in the face.

Zayn and Owens might have stopped fighting long enough to decide Shane McMahon needs to get his ass kicked. Or at least Zayn did, and he moved out of the way when Owens tried to kick him from behind, leading to McMahon getting kicked in the face.

Listen, Shane probably deserved that.

Shane just kept Owens from winning the WWE Championship by pulling the ref out of the ring, and Daniel Bryan is going to have something to say about this on Tuesday.

SHANE, QUIT IT YOU JERK. He just pulled Zayn off of Owens to keep Zayn from winning the title, too! Shane is the real heel here, and I’m not just saying that because he’s rich and I’m light years to the left of his family.

Cena nearly wins the WWE Championship, too, but Ziggler stops it from happening, then avoids having stairs thrown at him. He ends up getting hit with an Attitude Adjustment for his troubles, but then Cena gets hit with a Pop-Up Powerbomb, but then AJ Styles shows back up after his little announce table nap to pin Owens and retain.

This was the right match: it was totally batshit, it never slowed down, and the right person won at the end. It’ll be AJ Styles vs. Shinsuke Nakamura for the WWE Championship at WrestleMania 34, and Zayn/Owens still get a reason to be mad at Shane McMahon.

Oh, and don’t forget John Cena missed out on another shot at WrestleMania 34’s card.

Charlotte is waiting to find out who she’ll be facing at WrestleMania 34, but before then, she’ll have to defeat Ruby Riott — Charlotte doesn’t have an automatic bid for Mania if she can’t get past Riott, but the reverse is also true.

Riott has been trying to poke holes in the Charlotte Flair mythos, and she did a pretty good job of it for the most part, in that way where the heel is correct but not correct enough for you to completely take their side. She also unveiled that the Riott Squad formed specifically to take out Charlotte, and now she’s got her chance for that to happen.

If the Bludgeon Brothers interrupt this match I swear

Charlotte couldn’t shake Ruby off of her back, so Charlotte rolled through the middle rope, dropped back-first onto the apron, and then both her and Ruby tumbled to the outside of the ring. That had to hurt, but hey, Ruby is no longer attached to Charlotte!

Here are Naomi and Becky Lynch here to help back Charlotte up and keep the rest of the Riott Squad (Liv Morgan and Sarah Logan) from interfering on their boss’ behalf. That sure is a lot of people out here to be distracted by brawling while no one is keeping an eye on Carmella.*

*I don’t feel strongly that Carmella is going to cash in, but am required to note any opportunity where it could work out.

Ruby Riott has been in control basically the entire match, and now she’s keeping Charlotte in a hold so she can scream about how her friends are going to see her fail.

By the way, Corey Graves saying Charlotte could be shown to be a “bleached blonde failure” is hilarious given he’s currently sporting bleached blond hair.

Here’s Charlotte fighting back, and she’s got Riott in place for the moonsault and lol nope, no she does not, Riott got up and pushed Charlotte so hard she went face-first outside the ring into the barricade.

Hurricanrana off the top, but it’s not enough for Riott to get the three count and the title. Like with Rusev against Nakamura, if this ends with Riott taking the L, she’s going to have looked real good in defeat.

Logan and Morgan tricked Naomi and Becky into getting into the ring, and then took advantage of the ref being distracted to send the faces to the back. The ref then turned and tossed the Riott Squad, too, which got Ruby arguing with him, and resulted in Charlotte getting time to recover and beat on Riott.

Ruby, you shouldn’t have protested too much, you had this one going solo!

Riott reverses a potential Figure 8 into a rollup, and now the two are back to square one in their corners. Charlotte wins that first interaction with a spear and then goes into the Figure 8, and Riott taps out.

You had her until you were hoisted by your own petard, Ruby.

Yoooo Asuka is here, and she is presumably here to challenge Charlotte for the SmackDown Women’s Championship at WrestleMania 34. That or she just wants to show off her dope robe.

We got a sign point, it’s official, Asuka vs. Charlotte at WrestleMania 34. That likely means Alexa Bliss will defend the RAW Women’s Championship against Nia Jax, yeah?

Here we go, your probable match of the night: the New Day are challenging the Usos for the SmackDown Tag Team Championships, and while this is a matchup we’ve seen a million times, we all know we’d match it a million more. These are the two best tag teams in WWE, and they’re going at it once more, with legacies and discussion of needing a WrestleMania appearance involved this time around.

Here we goooooooo

Xavier Woods starts out seriously intense, but gets a kick to the face that slows him down in a hurry and puts the Usos in control early.

Well here’s a good point:

Are we going to give Big E his chance to shine at Mania in a rematch of this match? Both teams certainly deserve that stage, so let’s hope Big E sitting this one out is the hint I’m reading it as.

This crowd has not made a whole lot of noise since the opening match — thanks, Orton and Roode — but the Usos and New Day seem to be slowly reviving them. Kofi just hit a top-rope splash, and that finisher thievery is sure to annoy the Usos once they wake up. In fact, when Woods and Kofi went to do the tag-team version of the splash the Usos employ, they got themselves thrown off the top by said angry Uso.

DON’T YOU INTERRUPT MY POTENTIAL MATCH OF THE NIGHT, BLUDGEON BROTHERS, HOW DARE YOU, YOU’RE INTERRUPTING IT.

Okay so the good news is we’re going to get more New Day vs. Usos in the future. The bad news is that we’re getting it because the Bludgeon Brothers showed up to interrupt our happiness.

The Bludgeon Brothers do look dangerous here, so there’s that, but also their costumes are still horrible. At least they used those hammers to hurt people this time, though!

Pros and cons?

Cons: Usos vs. New Day was interrupted, the Bludgeon Brother costumes are still bad

Pros: Luke Harper wrecking everyone in his way is good, even if he’s wearing pants Kane would be embarrassed to be seen in.

Yo all of Naomi’s hair is bright green under her entrance lights and it is great. I’s just a wig, not a blacklight-friendly dye job, but still.

I’m very interested to see if Carmella ends up eating the pin in this match — if she does, it makes me feel like she’s going to get a cash-in opportunity for her Money in the Bank briefcase at WrestleMania 34, because WWE loves to make it seem like the briefcase holder is totally useless and helpless before they cash in.

Carmella is dope as hell by the way so they really need to do something with her besides have her lose. Not that that has to start tonight, because Becky Lynch could also use a W like you read about. In fact, you just did!

Watching the ridiculous athletic things that Naomi can do makes me want to see her wrestle Asuka at some point. And oh wow, Natalya just tried to bury Naomi under the mat with that powerbomb. More of that, please.

Those “athletic things” do not include the “modified Stunner” that was so modified it forgot to do the stunning.

Carmella screams for Natalya, and the distraction manages to get Becky Lynch kicked in the face and pinned. So, Carmella doesn’t get pinned, but Becky manages to continue her pay-per-view losing streak. Can’t win them all, literally.

Just going to leave this here. You know, in case it’s accurate.

Randy Orton is looking for the US title, as it would make him a Grand Slam Champion — he’s already been a tag team champ, 13-time WWE Champion, and an Intercontinental Champion, so all that’s missing is the other midcard title. Hey, if Orton becomes a Grand Slam champ, he’ll accomplish something his always-has-more-accolades peer John Cena has not.

This... could be good. It could also be plodding and merciless to anyone watching it. It doesn’t help that both Orton and Roode are faces here — sure, there have been sneak-attack RKOs, but like, that’s just Orton when he’s awake. Maybe we’ll get an explicit turn from one of the two or they’ll work fast teasing finishers and not go 15 minutes full of rest holds and stomps.

Jinder Mahal looms, of course, as he has over the United States Championship and Randy Orton for much of the last year, so maybe he’ll come in and shorten this affair while complicating it. Or we’ll get the slow-as-hell 15-minute version of this match and Mahal will interrupt once things pick up to setup a Mania match for the belt featuring a former NXT Champion and two of the WWE Champions since the last Mania.

For the record, they’re kind of in between plodding and aggressive. Some of the aggression is plodding, and some of it is aggressive, but it also looks like Randy Orton is picking up the pace already, too.

ah shit here come the slow stomps never mind

By the way it’s great that they’re posing this match as like, veteran vs. relative newcomer to WWE. It’s true so long as you keep the “to WWE” part of Roode’s portion, but he’s three years older than Orton and worked occasional matches for WWE before Orton ever debuted, then moved on to TNA full-time in 2004.

Also the crowd is now chanting for Byron Saxton if you’re wondering why I’m talking about this fun fact instead of recapping what’s going on in the match. Hey, a powerslam! Orton’s powerslam is so fast, and very pretty.

Orton goes for an RKO, but Roode counters and attempts to hit a Glorious DDT — that’s also countered, leading to a sequence that results in Orton being tossed outside of the ring.

Now Roode joined Orton outside the ring, and he paid for it by being thrown into the barricade — that was a wonderful sell by Roode, too, as he just completely stiffened and fell like a tree. Orton is going for the superplex — we’ve already had the DDT on the ropes and the powerslam, so maybe Randy thinks he needs to check off all the vintage moves before he can land that RKO against the champ.

Roode reverses the superplex into a sunset flip and a powerbomb, and the crowd sounds like they’re ready for this match to end. Will they get their wish?

Now we get the superplex from Orton, but he can’t get the three count after slowly crawling over to cover Roode. Orton reverses a Glorious DDT! Roode reverses an RKO! And now here’s a spinebuster that doesn’t get the three, so Roode is just sitting in the ring. This sequence is this match in a nutshell: brief moments of excitement followed by a lot of nothing happening.

And now we’re back to brief excitement! An RKO from Orton when Roode tries to attack from the turnbuckle, and Randy Orton is your new United States Champion and the latest Grand Slam champ in WWE history.

I’m not calling that one “out of nowhere!” like the announce team did, since Roode literally fell right into it via a jumping nothing off the ropes.

And here’s Mahal to yell at Orton, but he’s interrupted by Roode and a Glorious DDT — Roode hits Orton with one for good measure, too, so it looks like we will indeed end up in a three-way dance at Mania. YMMV on that result, but we can all agree on one thing: this match is over and we’re better for it.

Nakamura vs. Rusev is the kind of match that can set the pace of a pay-per-view, and that’s what Fastlane is kicking off with. It should be noted that it can set the wrong kind of pace, depending on which version of Nakamura shows up, but if he’s going to go all-in against an opponent who deserves that in Rusev, this could get us all hyped for what comes after.

Shinsuke Nakamura won the Royal Rumble, and is guaranteed a shot at the WWE Championship at WrestleMania 34. It’s unclear who he’ll be facing — that’ll be solved in the main event at Fastlane — but in the meantime, he gets to wrestle Rusev, and on Rusev Day, even!

It’s really a shame we’ve got Rusev working heel here since the entire crowd is chanting for him — even after Aiden English dumped on Columbus in his intro for Rusev, the crowd still screamed “RUSEV DAY!” — but on the other hand, at least Rusev has a match at Fastlane, given his Mania path is still unknown.

Maybe we’ll get lucky and Rusev will come out of this looking like a million bucks even if he’s the loser, and it’ll help us get an eventual full-on Rusev vs. Nakamura program after Mania. A live blogger can dream, okay?

Dueling chants of “Nak-a-mur-a” and “Rusev Day!” going while Rusev and Nakamura take turns dishing out damage. Just let Rusev be a face, WWE, he’s so over with the crowd, everyone wants to cheer him even when he’s facing Nakamura!

Rusev’s alignment isn’t detracting from the quality of the match, at least. They’re taking turns hitting each other very hard on the outside of the ring, and Rusev is now back in control after slamming Nakamura into the barricade.

Rusev gets locked in a heel hook, and now he’s walking around gingerly — it doesn’t keep him from lifting Nakamura and slamming him to get a 2.9 count. The damage is done, however, and Nakamura has a limb to capitalize on later, assuming he can get back up.

This match is succeeding because it’s making Rusev look strong without Nakamura looking weak — Rusev just looks like a big beefy dude who is capable of throwing Nakamura around, but Nak’s smarts and dangerous submissions could end up ruining Rusev Day. They both have their strengths, and they’re on display.

That’s another near-fall from Rusev on Nakamura following a superkick to the side of Shinsuke’s head. Another attempt at a kick fails, and Nakamura starts kneeing Rusev in the throat. Rusev avoids the Kinshasa by throwing Shinsuke into the corner, and then avoids a second with a kick to the face! (!!!)

Maaaan that was almost three, too. Rusev has looked so good, here, and Nakamura just can’t put him away despite being in position multiple times. Now it’s Nakamura avoiding a finisher, though, as Rusev misses his chance to crush, and eats a Kinshasa for it. 1-2-3, Nakamura is your winner.

The pace is indeed set following this match, and in a good way.